Hans Crippleton: Talk to the Hans (2014)

Hans Crippleton: Talk to the Hans (2014) poster
Rating:
Deformed Hillbilly Monster Hunter Comedy

A painfully unfunny endurance test created by star Kevon Ward centred around the deformed, imbecilic hillbilly he played at Halloween shows. The film is little more than people playing morons in silly voices

The Ghost Goes West (1935)

The Ghost Goes West (1935) poster
Rating: ★★½
Haunted Castle Comedy

A light fantasy comedy with Lucas Donat as the inheritor of a Scottish castle that is haunted by a ghost and the problems faced when the castle is sold to be shipped to America

The Ghost Cat of Otama Pond (1960)

The Ghost Cat of Otama Pond (1960) poster
Rating: ★★
Japanese Ghost Story

Another effort from the Golden Age of kaidan eiga (Japanese ghost story films) during the 1950s-60s. While this assembles the essentials of the genre, it is only delivered in terms of a series of strident and unsubtle pop-up effects

Friend Request (2016)

Friend Request (2016) poster
Rating:
Supernatural Retribution Via Social Media

Another in the spate of social media horror films, this is a blatant copy of Unfriended, albeit mashed up with Ring to create the idea of a cursed newsfeed. This is also the lamest of the bunch

The Fall of the House of Usher (1979)

The Fall of the House of Usher (1979) poster
Rating:
Edgar Allan Poe Adaptation

Maybe the worst Edgar Allan Poe adaptation ever, a version made for tv that fails utterly to project any of Poe’s gloom and despair, while a badly overacting Martin Landau is disastrously miscast as Roderick Usher

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Drag Me to Hell (2009) poster
Rating: ★★
Gypsy Curse

Sam Raimi chose to follow up his hugely successful Spider-Man trilogy with this incredibly silly film about Gypsy curses. Raimi piles on ridiculous shock effects that become so over-the-top that the film ends up somewhere in orbit

Don’t Look Up (2009)

Don't Look Up (2009) poster
Rating:
Asian Horror Remake/Haunted Film Set

Fruit Chan conducts an English-language remake of a Japanese horror film. A confused and hokey effort about a haunted film set that is only centred around the provision of schlock effects

Death Note: The Last Name (2006)

Death Note: The Last Name (2006) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Notebook with Killing Powers

The second of the Japanese Death Note films, released almost back-to-back with the first. This is an even better film than its predecessor, delighting in the twists and turns in the games as Light and his nemesis L outwit each other

Death Note (2017)

Death Note (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Notebook with Killing Powers

The English-language remake of the popular Japanese franchise from Adam Wingard. This essentially remakes the first film and is adequate in its own right but no patch on either of the original Japanese films

Death Note (2006)

Death Note (2006) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Notebook with Killing Powers

Uniquely original Japanese horror film adapted from a manga concerning a book that kills anyone whose name is written in it. This has spawned several sequels and an American remake. The show is stolen by the supremely weird Kenichi Matsuyama

Dark Shadows (2012)

Dark Shadows (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
TV Series Comedy Remake/Vampire/Family Saga

Tim Burton’s slide into mediocrity continues with this comedic update of the cult Gothic soap opera tv series, which is now played at a level of cartoonish unseriousness that resembles the Addams Family

Dark Harvest (2023)

Dark Harvest (2023) poster
Rating: ★★★
Small Town's Deadly Halloween Run

David Slade seemed a promising directorial name several years ago with works like the charged Hard Candy, before making Twilight films and being lost in tv. Here he returns with a film set around a small town’s deadly Halloween rituals

The Cursed (2021)

The Cursed (2021) poster
Rating: ★★★
Possible Werewolf Creature

The greatly underrated Sean Ellis returns with a beautifully understated film about the hunt for a possible werewolf creature loose in rural 19th Century France. Everything happens in a state of careful ambiguity

The Curse of King Tut’s Tomb (1980)

Rating:
"True Story" of the Discovery of Tutankhamun's Tomb

TV movie about the historical discovery of Tutankhamun’s tomb by Howard Carter that inflates the tabloid notion there was a curse and so distorts the historical record that it more properly enters the realm of fantasy

The Curse of Downers Grove (2015)

The Curse of Downers Grove (2015) poster
Rating: ★★★
Jocks Take Brutal Revenge

Harsh and brutal work written by Bret Easton Ellis of American Psycho fame wherein a group of jocks harass and tear apart the life of Bella Heathcote after she accidentally blinds the leader’s eye in the process of rejecting his advances

Cry of the Banshee (1970)

Cry of the Banshee (1970) poster
Rating:
Mysterious Stranger/Witch's Retribution

Dreary film in which Vincent Price is a magistrate who is haunted by a manifestation of The Devil for his witch persecutions. The publicity falsely tried to sell this as an Edgar Allan Poe adaptation.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) poster
Rating: ★★
Possession/“True Story”

The third of the Conjuring films, this lacks the presence of James Wan in the director’s seat while peddling an even more highly dubious Based on a True story claim regarding a demonic possession

Cat People (1982)

Cat People (1982) poster
Rating: ★★★
Human-Feline Transformation

The remake of Cat People. In the hands of Paul Schrader, all the ambiguity is made overt and the film becomes one of Schrader’s allegories for tormented sexuality. On its own terms, this is an often smoulderingly sensual work

The Brides Wore Blood (1972)

The Brides Wore Blood (1972) poster
Rating: ★★
Family Curse/Occult Rituals

Obscure 1970s horror that generates a certain creepy effect with four girls gathered at a big old house for sinister purpose. before going sidewise during the second half amid a profusion of competing tropes

The Boneyard (1991)

The Boneyard (1991) poster
Rating: ★★
Zombie Children Overrun a Mortuary

Part of the 80s/90s fad for makeup effects driven popcorn horror – in this case, actually directed by an effects artist. The film moves slow as molasses but the giant zombie poodle and zombie Phyllis Diller do compensate

Black Magic Woman (1991)

Black Magic Woman (1991) poster
Rating: ★★
Voodoo Curse

Essentially Fatal Attraction with voodoo in which Mark Hamill engages in an affair with Apollonia and breaks it off only to find a voodoo curse has been placed on him

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Big Trouble in Little China (1986) poster
Rating: ★★★
Chinese Supernatural/Martial Arts Fantasy

John Carpenter film that was marketed as a Raiders of the Lost Ark copy but is more Carpenter trying to emulate Hong Kong’s Wu Xia cinema, which was largely unknown in the West at the time. All with highly enjoyable conic results.

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Beauty and the Beast (2017) poster
Rating: ★★★
Fairy-Tale/Disney Live-Action Remake

This live-action remake of the Disney animated film is mounted with a lavishness. On the other hand, the romance at the centre never fully warms up, while the human characters have the show stolen from under by the cutlery and furnishings

Beauty and the Beast (2014)

Beauty and the Beast (2014) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Fairy-Tale

Adaptation of the fairytale that takes place in an exquisitely dreamy sumptuousness – a stunningly designed, costumed and photographed world that has a genuine magic. However, the motion-capture animated Beast looks far too much like a CGI effect

Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Beauty and the Beast (1991) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Disney Animation/Fairy-Tale

The start of the 90s renaissance of Disney animation, a beautifully made adaptation of the fairytale that hearkens back to the Disney Golden Age. The only animated film nominated for an Academy Award Best Picture

Beastly (2011)

Beastly (2011) poster
Rating: ★★½
High-School Version of Beauty and the Beast

The interesting idea of the fairytale Beauty and the Beast retold in a modern high school setting. Despite itself, the film manages to wring a reasonable sincerity out of the premise

Bag of Bones (2011)

Bag of Bones (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Stephen King Adaptation/Ghost Story

The perpetually terrible Mick Garris is allowed loose on another Stephen King book where he promptly reduces a subtle, ambiguous ghost story to a series of lunging pop-up scares without any concept of atmosphere or nuance

Anthem of the Heart (2015)

Anthem of the Heart (2015) poster
Rating: ★★★
Anime/Girl Cursed With Being Unable to Speak

Sweet and tender anime about a young girl who has a curse placed on her that causes her to lose her voice and how this actually allows everyone around her to voice things they don’t say.

An American Haunting (2005)

An American Haunting (2005) poster
Rating:
"True" 19th Century Haunting

Film based on the supposed real-life Bell Witch Haunting of the 19th Century. Director Courtney Solomon’s constant efforts to make us jump become so tedious that they produce no effect at all.

All Girls Weekend (2016)

All Girls Weekend (2016) poster
Rating: ★★½
Mysterious Happenings in the Woods

This takes its title literally – it is made by a woman director and there are no men on screen. The result is somewhere between The Descent and The Blair Witch Project with an undeniably surprise twist ending

The Alchemist (1983)

The Alchemist (1983) poster
Rating: ½
Evil Sorcerer

One of the earliest films from Charles Band. In the years following, Band went onto produce and occasionally direct a great many often enterprisingly cheap low-budget genre films – this is not one of them