Class of 1999 (1990)

Class of 1999 (1990) poster
Rating: ★½
Killer Android Schoolteachers

Mark L. Lester’s follow-up to his earlier The Class of 1982 about a teacher forced to adopt vigilante actions in a lawless classroom. In the interim, The Terminator came out and this now has killer android schoolteachers

Saga of the Phoenix (1990)

Saga of the Phoenix (1990) poster
Rating:
Wu Xia Film/Hell Maiden Visits Earth

Sequel to the madcap Hong Kong fantasy Peacock King with Gloria Yip as a hell demon trying to adjust to living on Earth, which then turns into a comedy variant on Gremlins

Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990) poster
Rating:
Backroads Brutality

The third of the Texas Chainsaw films where the rights have now been inherited by New Line Cinema and the brutality of the original promptly watered down to MPAA standards

Lord of the Flies (1990)

Lord of the Flies (1990) poster
Rating:
Reversion to Barbarism

Remake of William Golding’s classic work about boys stranded on a desert island descending into barbarism where the book is disastrously Americanised in a clodding adaptation that misses the original’s rich swim of symbolism

Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

Frankenstein Unbound (1990) poster
Rating:
Time-Traveller Meets Frankenstein and Mary Shelley

Roger Corman disappointed with his return to the director’s chair after twenty years. He adapts a Brian Aldiss novel about a time-traveller meeting both Mary Shelley and Dr Frankenstein

Ghost Dad (1990)

Ghost Dad (1990) poster
Rating:
Man Returns as a Ghost Comedy

Riding high on the success of The Cosby Show, Bill Cosby flopped on cinema screens with this comedy where he appears as a father who returns as a ghost to sort out his children’s lives

The Haunting of Morella (1990)

The Haunting of Morella (1990) poster
Rating:
Edgar Allan Poe Adaptation/Resurrected Wife

An adaptation of the Edgar Allan Poe story produced by Roger Corman. Alas giving it to exploitation director Jim Wynorski, who likes to add really well stacked women to everything does, kills all of Poe’s atmosphere

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1990)

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1990) poster
Rating:
Vampire Motorcycle/Splatter Comedy

A British venture into the gonzo splatter film about a motorcycle that develops vampiric tendencies after blood is spilled in its tank in a Satanist ceremony. Beyond an amusing title, this is crude and heavy-handed

If the Shoe Fits (1990)

If the Shoe Fits (1990) poster
Rating:
Modernised Cinderella

A modernised retelling of the Cinderella story that is set in the Paris fashion world starring with Jennifer Grey as a lowly seamstress falling for self-important fashion designer Rob Lowe

The Invisible Maniac (1990)

The Invisible Maniac (1990) poster
Rating:
Invisible Man

Low-budget invisible man film that makes a beeline for the squalid – the invisible man is a nerd scientist and invisibility becomes an opportunity for him to wander into girl’s locker rooms, kill bullies and the like

Dr M (1990)

Dr M (1990) poster
Rating:
Mind-Controlling Criminal Mastermind

Claude Chabrol updates Fritz Lang super-villain Dr Mabuse to a millennial West Berlin where Alan Bates is a tv mogul who masterminds a mass suicide cult via messages hidden inside advertising

Metamorphosis (1990)

Metamorphosis (1990) poster
Rating:
Mutating Scientist

An Italian exploitation film intended to take advantage of the 80s makeup effects revolution of the day as a scientist injects himself with an untested serum and transforms into a monster

The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter (1990)

The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter (1990) poster
Rating:
Adventures in a Fantasy Land

Sequel to The Neverending Story made with a better budget. This delivers some amazing sets and creature designs but is killed with a script that discards the metaphors and complex level of meta-fiction of the original

Strangest Dreams: Invasion of the Space Preachers (1990)

Strangest Dreams: Invasion of the Space Preachers (1990) poster
Rating: ½
Alien Invader Televangelists

A film that has been sold on the basis of its deliberately ridiculous title concept – that of alien invaders attempting to take over the airwaves by posing as televangelists

A Tale from the East (1990)

A Tale from the East (1990) poster
Rating: ½
Hong Kong Supernatural Comedy

A wannabe entry aboard the HK supernatural fantasy fad of the late 80s/early 90s sparked by the likes of the Mr Vampire and A Chinese Ghost Story films … This, which involves a time travel plot, is crippled by a pandering to a slapstick inanity that makes it a painful watching experience

Bloodmoon (1990)

Bloodmoon (1990) poster
Rating: ½
Girl's School Slasher

Belated Australian entry in the slasher genre about killings at a Catholic girls’ school, this is shabby on all counts

Rockula (1990)

Rockula (1990) poster
Rating:
Vampire Rock Star Comedy

Painfully unfunny vampire comedy from Cannon Films about a vampire teenager who becomes a rock star. This has one of the least credible premises I’ve ever seen in a film. Mostly it seems to have been conceived around placing various musicians of the day in acting roles with bizarre results

Troll 2 (1990)

Troll 2 (1990) poster
Rating:
Evil Goblins/Classic Bad Movie

Acclaimed as one of the worst films ever made, this has a legendary bizarreness that has made it a cult film, everything from the ridiculousness of its dialogue and effects to the cast that seems made up of unskilled amateurs

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1990)

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1990) poster
Rating:
Heroine vs Post-Holocaust Dinosaurs

Despite one of the great exploitation titles of all time, this bikini clad babes vs dinosaurs after the apocalypse effort lacks the cheerful cynicism of other Troma films and is just cheap, dull and unwatchable on almost every level