Clash of the Titans (2010)
Greek Mythology Adventure
Heavily disappointing remake of the Ray Harryhausen film where the replacement of Harryhausen’s stop-motion animation with CGI fails to achieve any magic
Films of 2010
Atrocious (2010)
Found Footage/Possibly Haunted Woods
Spanish Found Footage film about the investigation of a haunted woods during which almost nothing happens, before a left-field twist ending that makes little sense
Chain Letter (2010)
Slasher Film/Anti-Technology Cult
Ridiculous film that seems to want to say something about modern technological interconnectivity but has simply grafted it onto a slasher formula. while being bsurdly ill-informed about its subject
Yogi Bear (2010)
Talking Bear/Cartoon in Live-Action
The live-action adaptation of the classic Hanna-Barbera cartoon series is a film construed entirely around slapstick sequences that never requires you to engage your brain in any way
The Tortured (2010)
Couple Torture Paedophile
A couple abduct and torture a paedophile who killed their son. Hard to tell if this is an edgy out-there film or the most tasteless concept that Torture Porn cinema has tried so far. Alas, a banal tv movie handling kills any possibility of the former
Arthur and the Two Worlds War (2010)
Miniature Magical World
Luc Besson has made some phenomenal action films but I just can’t seem to get into his trilogy of children’s films. This was the third. A silly effort written down to a very juvenile level and padded with inane humour
Alice in Murderland (2010)
Alice in Wonderland Slasher Film
This came out the same time as Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. The idea of Alice twisted into a horror film holds an irresistible appeal but this is an amateurish mess than squanders its potential
Tooth Fairy (2010)
Tough Guy Becomes a Tooth Fairy
From the top wrestling superstar in the world in the early 00s to movie action hero to being dressed in a pink tutu with fairy wings, it is hard to believe that Dwayne Johnson’s box-office star would have ever recovered from this family film embarrassment that sees him cast as a fairy
Zombiechrist (2010)
Resurrected Jesus on the Rampage
Bill Zebub is a micro-budgeted filmmaker who contends to be the most offensive filmmaker of all time. Yes, the film features a zombie Jesus who spends his time violating women who parade in a state of undress
Dark Island (2010)
Mysterious Island/Toxic Cloud Amok
This feels like a mockbuster thrown together to exploit the popularity of the tv series Lost concerning an island haunted by a sinister cloud of smoke. The scenario quickly collapses into absurdity.
Quantum Apocalypse (2010)
End of the World Film
Another cheap Syfy Channel end of the world film. So cheap that the catastrophe mostly ends up being talked about rather than depicted, while the rest of the show runs by disaster movie cliches
Legion (2010)
War Between Angels
An absurd film where angels conduct a war on Earth, which comes amid much in the way of gunfire and creature effects. Directed by a former visual effects supervisor.
Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
Videogame Adaptation/Post-Holocaust Zombies
Four films in and clear evidence that the Resident Evil series needs to be retired. This consists of tediously borrowed action moves now presented in 3D and a plot of random dead ends that make little sense
Riverworld (2010)
All of Humanity Resurrected on an Alien Planet
The second tv mini-series of Philip Jose Farmer’s classic SF novels trashes the books just as badly as the first attempt. The premise and characters are indifferently rewritten, while the show is churned out by a director with a tatty indifference to what he is making
Psychic Experiment (2010)
Psychic Experiments Unleash Entities
A film overstuffed with mad ideas and genre cameos about psychic experiments that have unleashed a series of other-dimensional entities
Mongolian Death Worm (2010)
Giant Worms
Another low-budget monster movie for the Syfy Channel. Between Sean Patrick Flanery’s unconvincing adventurer hero and the filmmaker’s failure to even vaguely approximate what Mongolia or its locals look like, this quickly slides down into a tatty, indifferently made copy of Tremors
Defcon 2012 (2010)
After an Alien Invasion/Mayan End of the World
Amateur low-budget production about mysterious happenings in the aftermath of an alien invasion. This has many ideas but none of them much coalesce into a plot
Saw 3D (2010)
Killer's Sadistic Games
Supposedly the final chapter of the Saw saga – where the sole novelty on offer is gore and body parts coming out the screen in 3D. This is conducted with a tired lack of effort that makes for tedium-inducing watching
Sharktopus (2010)
Monster Shark-Octopus Hybrid
Amid the fad for deliberately absurd killer shark films viz Sharknado, this surely takes the prize for ridiculousness of conception and delivery – a hybrid creature with the head of a shark and the tentacles of an octopus. I defy you not to burst into laughter at some of the scenes (*)
Shelter (2010)
Split Personality/Soul Transference
This starts out was as a film about multiple personality disorder with several scenes that catch your attention before it drifts into a muddle of confused supernatural themes
Shrek Forever After (2010)
Animation/Fairytale Spoof
The fourth of the Shrek films. By this point, the freshness and originality of the first film has been buried under animated film formula, while the plot is a tired rehash of It’s a Wonderful Life
The Shrine (2010)
Sinister European Town/Occult Horror
A piece of filler horror that is utterly generic in every respect about travelers entering a sinister East European village where the locals are up to no good
Gacy House (2010)
Found Footage/Haunted House
This has the great idea of paranormal investigators investigating the home of real-life serial killer John Wayne Gacy. Alas, Gacy is of zero relevance and the film no more that a tatty Found Footage effort
Mother’s Day (2010)
Home Invasion/Torture Porn
This has almost nothing in common with the 1980 film it is supposedly based on. Instead we get a home invasion film where Darren Lynn Bousman of Saw sequel fame shows that constant scenes of brutality and torture are all that he has in his arsenal
The Spy Next Door (2010)
Spy Plays Babysitter Comedy
The further slide downwards of Jackie Chan’s career after being discovered by Hollywood. Here he is a spy left to look after a group of kids with excruciatingly unfunny results
The Fantastic Water Babes (2010)
Hong Kong Romantic Comedy
Hong Kong cinema specialises in a type of frenetic, high-energy slapstick. This – a romance set around a swimming competition in which the girl thinks she has been blessed by a water god – is not one of the more inspired
Stonehenge Apocalypse (2010)
Disaster Movie/Stonehenge Triggers the End of the World
Cheaply made Syfy Channel attempt to copy Roland Emmerich’s 2012 that jumps aboard wacky Erich von Daniken nuttiness but fails to create a worthy End of the World drama due to cut-price effects
The Family Complete (2010)
Gay Incest Virus
Controversial Japanese film about a virus that causes members of a family to engage in gay incest. This is perhaps the dullest taboo-breaking film I have ever sat through
Edge of Darkness (2010)
Nuclear Conspiracy Thriller/TV Series Remake
A film remake of one of the great tv series of the 1980s. A complete betrayal by the original’s director Martin Campbell that strips all the politics and simply makes it into a Mel Gibson revenge film
New Moon (2009)
Twilight Sequel/Vampire Romance
The second of the Twilight films where the moderately grounded original is blown up into the near laughable with the ridiculously over-the-top hyper-sexualised posturing of its male leads
Necronos (2010)
Black Sorcerer Seeks Sacrificial Victims
German low-budget film about a resurrected sorcerer, this goes out on a wild edge, winds everything up to 15 on the dial and positively wades in blood, gore and torture scenes
Red: Werewolf Hunter (2010)
Werewolf Film
Syfy Channel film that seems to offer the intriguing premise of a Modernised Little Red Riding Hood but only deals with this in the vaguest ways. Otherwise this is a standard werewolf film and contains maybe the crappiest CGI wolf transformation scenes ever
Adventures of a Teenage Dragonslayer (2010)
Children's Fantasy Adventure
A children’s fantasy adventure that never strays beyond the environs of an American high school and comes with the lowbrow slapstick, excruciating comic caricatures and incredibly bad effects
Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010)
Suicide Girls Horror Film
A horror film made by the alt modelling website Suicide Girls where several girls go away for a modelling shoot only for something to cause them to start disappearing
Tales of an Ancient Empire (2010)
Sword and Sorcery/Vampires
Albert Pyun makes a long promised sequel to his first film The Sword and the Sorcerer but delivers an impoverished mess that is all over the place plotwise
When in Rome (2010)
Romantic Comedy/Fountain of Love
Agonisingly awful romantic comedy about a Fountain of Love. The plot is utterly vapid, its resolution never in the slightest doubt, while director Mark Steven (Daredevil, Ghost Rider) Johnson sets the entire film up around a series of painfully unfunny slapstick routines
Vixen Highway 2006: It Came from Uranus! (2010)
Gonzo Exploitation Homage
Another excruciatingly bad mock exploitation film from Tony Watt, who may well be the world’s worst filmmaker. This mixes killer women, aliens, UFOs, Mafia into an incomprehensible mix
Santa Claus vs. the Zombies (2010)
Santa Claus Faces the Zombie Apocalypse
This comes with one of the great exploitation titles of all time. Despite the enormously entertaining possibilities inherent in the premise, the film misses all of them and falls down into complete amateurism within moments
Year Without a Summer (2010)
Malaysian Magical Realism
Film with minor Magical Realist touches about life in rural Malaysia that appears to be made without a plot and in which nothing happens. Dull to the point of inertia
Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2010)
Softcore Tomb Raider Adventuress
From prolific B-budget director Fred Olen Ray, this is a softcore parody of the Indiana Jones films
Furry Vengeance (2010)
Animals Amok Comedy
Excruciating CGI cute animals film where animals gang up to stop Brendan Fraser redeveloping their forest. Essentially a 1970s Nature’s Revenge film by way of the slapstick family-friendly violence of Home Alone
Vampires Suck (2010)
Twilight Series Parody
The movie parodies of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer witlessly run a series of crude, unfunny gags over films and celebrities of the previous twelve months vintage. Here they take on the Twilight series