Girls Against Boys (2012)

Girls Against Boys (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Two Girls Go on a Killing Spree Against Men

In the vein of films like I Spit on Your Grave and especially Baise-Moi, two girls go on a killing spree against rapists and asshole men. Undeniably interesting but this gets sabotaged by the film’s gaping moral blindspots

Grave Encounters 2 (2012)

Grave Encounters 2 (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Found Footage/Meta-Fictional Sequel

Grave Encounters was an unremarkable Found Footage film. This much smarter sequel takes its lead from Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 in being a meta-fiction that investigates the phenomenon of the first film

Greystone Park (2012)

Greystone Park (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Found Footage/Haunted Asylum

Oliver Stone’s son Sean makes a Found Footage horror film. The haunted asylum has become a thoroughly overused cliche. That said, Sean Stone wrings some undeniably spooky jumps out of the material

Halley (2012)

Halley (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Man Slowly Becomes a Zombie

A zombie film (of sorts) from Mexico, although it could just as easily be about a man infected with a flesh-eating bacteria. A zombie film in which almost nothing happens, we just sit watching a man getting ill

Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn (2012)

Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Videogame Adaptation/Military Recruits in Training

Web-series, later released as a film, based on the Halo 4 videogame. While the games have a massively detailed backhistory of the universe, this is disappointingly only a low-budget military recruits in training scenario

Hidden in the Woods (2012)

Hidden in the Woods (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Chilean Backwoods Brutality

Backwoods Brutality Chilean style. This has the look and feel of a lost 1970s film that some people insist on calling grindhouse. Not the most polished work but this does deliver assorted brutality, gore and cannibalism

The History of Future Folk (2012)

The History of Future Folk (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Aliens Form Bluegrass Band

Aliens come to Earth and form a bluegrass band! The basic idea holds an undeniable appeal but the film seems caught between wanting to be a B-movie parody and an indie film that takes itself seriously

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Epic Fantasy Adventure

Peter Jackson returns to J.R.R. Tolkien and epic-sized adventure in the first of his Hobbit films. The visual sweep is there but the film feels over-extruded and over-burdened by its own self-importance.

Holy Motors (2012)

Holy Motors (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Surrealism/Man's Cryptic Journey Through Various Disguises

Genuinely mind-screwing effort from Leos Carax. Imagine a version of Cosmopolis as hijacked by Alejandro Jodorowsky – a series of surreal vignettes that arrives at a major “huh?” ending

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Hotel Transylvania (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Hotel for Famous Monsters

A variant on the much more charming Mad Monster Party?, an animated film featuring cute cuddly versions of the Famous Monsters (Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, wolfman etc) with Adam Sandler voicing Dracula

House at the End of the Street (2012)

House at the End of the Street (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Psycho-Thriller/Crazed Family Member in the Cellar

Psycho-thriller that plays out like a creaky old deranged relative in the cellar film retooled as a teen romance until an absurd mid-film conceptual twist irredeemably kills the film off

House of Mirrors (2012)

House of Mirrors (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Amnesia Psycho-Thriller

Low-budget psycho-thriller about amnesia that tries hard in many areas but fails to generate enough contortion in terms of plot twists to make the show work

The Hunger Games (2012)

The Hunger Games (2012) poster 2
Rating: ★★½
Future Televised Human Hunting

A Young Adult box-office hit that does little more than competently shuffle around ideas from other SF films. Jennifer Lawrence makes an impressive showing but the film also soft-pedals the moral reality of its scenario

Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012)

Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) poster
Rating:
Animation/Prehistoric Talking Animals

This is not a film, it is a money-making machine in the guise of a film aimed squarely at undiscerning family audiences that plays to familiar characters and comic routines and has minimal difference to the preceding three Ice Age films

The Illusionauts (2012)

The Illusionauts (2012) poster
Rating: ★½
Animation/Adventures Inside an Author's Imagination

A Peruvian children’s animated film about a device that allows people to enter an author’s imagination. This mostly has children having adventures in a facsimile of Jules Verne

Imaginaerum (2012)

Imaginaerum (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Journey Through a Dying Man's Mind

A film based on the album by Finnish symphonic metal group Nightwish that takes place inside the allegorical mental terrain of a dying rock star. This collapses into the over-inflated amateur symbolism of a music video

In Another Country (2012)

In Another Country (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
South Korean Alternate Storylines Film

South Korean film that replays the same story three times with slight differences, all featuring Isabelle Huppert as a different woman. Told with a rather charming sense of humour and a playful meta-fiction

In Search of Dracula (1975)

In Search of Dracula (1975)
Rating: ★★★
Documentary About Bram Stoker and Origins of Dracula

A documentary that explores Bram Stoker and the creation of Dracula, Transylvania and Vlad the Impaler. Narrated by Christopher Lee, who we see playing both Dracula and Vlad the Impaler

Iron Sky (2012)

Iron Sky (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Nazi Flying Saucers from the Moon

Finnish filmmaker Timo Vuorensola makes a conceptually wild film about invasion by Nazi flying saucers from the Moon. Stunning quality effects on a minuscule budget that rival the work of professional houses

Jack & Diane (2012)

Jack & Diane (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Lesbian Romance/Possible Monster Movie

An LGBT romance featuring fantastic performances from Juno Temple and Riley Keough before they became better known names. This also acts as an ambiguous monster movie

John Carter (2012)

John Carter (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Planetary Adventure/Edgar Rice Burroughs Adaptation

While the film bombed, it emerges as a fairly good and faithful, lavishly produced adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ swashbuckling planetary adventure

John Dies at the End (2012)

John Dies at the End (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Reality-Expanding Drugs/Gonzo Supernatural Investigators

Phantasm series director Don Coscarelli makes a mind-expanding effort that seems a conceptual collision between Donnie Darko, Limitless, a slacker version of Supernatural and Dr Strange

Joker (2012)

Joker (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Bollywood Film/Faked Crop Circles and Alien Visitation

Bollywood SF film that is like a version of Shyamalan’s aliens film Signs with a few dashes of The Mouse That Roared, all played as a comic farce with much singing and dancing

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012) poster
Rating:
Jules Verne Adaptation/Island of Giant Fauna

Sequel to Journey to the Center of the Earth, a supposed adaptation of Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island and a consistently silly, nonsensical film that operates at the level of a children’s cartoon

Justice League: Doom (2012)

Justice League Doom (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Comic-Book Superheroes

A relative disappointment among the mostly excellent animated DC superhero films, this pits each member of the Justice League with a matching super-villain only who seemingly kills them off

Killer Motel (2012)

Killer Motel (2012) poster
Rating:
Japanese Horror/Murderous Moteliers

An obscure Japanese film with quite a WTF element about a backwoods motel where things get very strange – the hosts slaughtering the guests, a zombie wandering around

Kirikou and the Men and Women (2012)

Kirikou and the Men and Women (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Animation/African Folk Tales

The third of Michel Ocelot’s Kirikou films, delightful tales about the ingenuity and plain-speaking wisdom of a young boy winning out over adult pomposity and foolishness. Animated with a simplicity that is magical

Kiss of the Damned (2012)

Kiss of the Damned (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Vampire Film

The vampire film feels creatively played out of recent. The story here is familiar but this is propelled into the watchable by the provocative and stylish direction of Xan Cassavetes (daughter of director/actor John Cassavetes)

Labyrinth (2012)

Labyrinth (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Cross-Historical Search for the Holy Grail

Christopher Smith is an underrated genre director but his first venture into tv is disappointing cross-historical quest for the Holy Grail story that reads like warmed over Da Vinci Code

The Last Man(s) on Earth (2012)

The Last Man(s) on Earth (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
YouTube Stars Face World Threat Comedy

Film spinoff from a YouTube channel that features two comedians giving absurdly over-the-top survivalist tips. What works as a series of short clips has difficulty extending the gags to a dramatic plot

A Liar’s Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty Python’s Graham Chapman (2012)

A Liar's Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty Python's Graham Chapman (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Absurdist Animated Biopic

The death of Graham Chapman put paid to a Monty Python reunion. Undeterred, Chapman’s autobiography is bought to life as an animated film in the gonzo Python style with the remaining Pythons providing voice work

Lockout (2012)

Lockout (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Future Orbiting Prison/Action

Luc Besson written action-prison film that blatantly borrows from Escape From New York. An entertaining comic-book of a movie, even if its depth exists no further than Guy Pearce tossing off flip one-liners

The Lords of Salem (2012)

The Lords of Salem (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Occult Happenings/Witch's Curse

In this homage to the 1970s occult film, Rob Zombie tones back the posturing shock effect of his earlier films and creates atmosphere. Eventually though, Zombie creates a film that feels coiled to unleash something bad but falters

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted (2012)

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012) poster
Rating: ★★½
Animation/Talking Animals

The Madagascar series was a cute idea first time around but has been stretched more than its worth by the sequels. Nevertheless, this works at you with a colourful light-heartedness that is hard to resist

The Man with the Iron Fists (2012)

The Man with the Iron Fists (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Martial Arts/Shaw Brothers Homage

RZA of rap group Wu-Tang Clan fame (with the aid of Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino) makes a dual acting/directing appearance with this homage to Shaw Brothers martial arts films … not quite the genuine article but a solid effort where RZA certainly doesn’t embarrass himself

Mars et Avril (2012)

Mars et Avril (2012) poster
Rating:
Expedition to Mars/Future Music Making and the Meaning of It All

An impressively designed Quebecois sf film where it is it is sad to see so much artistry lavished on something completely nonsensical and utterly woolly-headed in terms of its ideas

Mass Effect: Paragon Lost (2012)

Mass Effect: Paragon Lost (2012) poster
Rating: ★½
Anime/Videogame Adaptation

Another instance of a computer game or film franchise turning to anime to conduct a spinoff. While Mass Effect has an impressive reputation on the console screen, the film here is a dull piece that only comes in around the level of a production line animated tv episode

The Master (2012)

The Master (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
L. Ron Hubbard Fictionalised Biopic

Paul Thomas Anderson’s loose biopic of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard is a film composed of great acting and great individual scenes more so than it ever coheses as a story or delves in to interrogate its characters. Far too elusive as a story to quite be the masterpiece it is readily being hailed as

McDull – The Pork of Music (2012)

McDull - The Pork of Music (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Hong Kong Animation/Talking Animal Satire

Fifth in a popular series of satiric Hong Kong animated films. Kicks in with an amusingly sarcastic bite that resembles a Beavis and Butt-Head in its story of a talking animal children’s choir but alas by about the halfway point takes itself seriously and starts to get mawkish and sentimental

The Meat Puppet (2012)

The Meat Puppet (2012) poster
Rating: ★★½
Psycho Film

Low-budget psycho film that nevertheless comes out as interestingly twisted. Keith Collins makes for a disturbing central character, obsessed with seducing women, boasting to us about his methods, then imprisoning them and serving up their flesh as meat for he and his aunt

Meeting Evil (2012)

Rating: ★★★
Road Trip with a Killer

A surprisingly good variant on The Hitcher (albeit set in urban environs) where Samuel L. Jackson does the unique Samuel L. Jackson sarcastic badassery with demoniac results as a psychopathic stranger who takes hapless family man Luke Wilson for a ride leaving a trail of bodies

Mekong Hotel (2012)

Mekong Hotel (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Thai Ghosts/Reincarnated Lovers

Thai director Apichatpong Weerasethakul is a festival favourite and one genre director whose work is least categorised as such. As with any of Weerasethakul’s films, this has some intensely haunted moments but is severely lacking in plot or any kind of dramatic inertia

Men in Black 3 (2012)

Men in Black 3 (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Alien Coverup Conspiracy Agency

One hardly greets the attempt to generate another entry out of this franchise with any enthusiasm. This mostly consists of tired and familiar gags, where maybe the most generous compliment you can pay is that it is better than Men in Black II was

Midnight’s Children (2012)

Midnight's Children (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Modern History of India/Children With Superpowers

Adaptation of a Salman Rushdie novel that acts as a superhero film of sorts about a secret war between people with unique powers set against the backdrop of 20th Century Indian history

Moksha – Or The World and I, How Does That Work? (2012)

Moksha – Or The World and I, How Does That Work? (2012) poster
Rating: ★★½
Man Chained Up/Existential Parable

Imagine a weird mix between the basic premise of Saw and Waiting for Godot. A South Korean film about a man inexplicably chained up in a park that is less interested in his escape than it becomes a surreal existential allegory for life

Mold! (2012)

Mold (2012) poster
Rating:
Deadly Mold Amok in a Laboratory/Gooey Meltdowns

Very cheaply made film about a deadly mold going amok at a laboratory, which is only notable for some gory meltdown effects and the filmmaker’s laughable lack of knowledge about contamination procedures

Moon Man (2012)

Moon Man (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Animation/Man in the Moon Comes Down to Earth

Beautifully made children’s film that is a refreshing change from most of the formulaic product released in the US mainstream. Comes with a sweet simplicity and an enormous freshness, while the animation is rendered with a considerable beauty that makes it just as much a film for adults

Ms Cannibal Holocaust (2012)

Ms Cannibal Holocaust (2012) poster
Rating: ½
Apartment Tenants Under Attack by a Mystery Cult

An early film from Ron Bonk misleadingly sold with connection to the notorious Italian cannibal film, concerning the tenants of an apartment building under siege by a mysterious cult

The Mysterious Island (2012)

The Mysterious Island (2010) poster
Rating: ★★
Desert Island Survival/Time Warp

About the ninth film version of Jules Verne’s desert island survival story. This doesn’t add the giant animals/insects other versions do, although we still get a number of wild sf elements the original book never had. Problem though is that the film never adds enough to make proceedings very interesting

Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012)

Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Nazis Under the Polar Icecap/Hitler with a Robot Body/Mad Science

Hands down the best film ever produced by The Asylum. How could one not like an entertainingly madcap concoction that features mad scientists, zombie stormtroopers, Nazi UFOs and Adolf Hitler preserved as a head in a jar attached to a robot body?

No One Lives (2012)

No One Lives (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Psycho Film

This second English-language film from Japan’s Ryuhei Kitamura came with a good deal of promising advance buzz but upon being seen emerges as a strictly average psycho film that never offers anything outstanding in terms of twists or suspense, nor pushes its audience in any way

The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012)

The Odd Life of Timothy Green (2012) poster
Rating:
Magic Child Appears Out of the Garden

On one level, this sets out to be a warm-hearted fantasy about the appearance of a magic child to a childless couple. On another possibly unintentional level, it is a rather unlikeable film about how two parents continually force a child to conform to the social expectations of those around them

Oƨombie (2012)

Osombie (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Osama bin Laden as a Zombie

This surely takes the cake amid the fad for wacky zombie films in which Osama bin Laden is resurrected as a zombie. Imagine a mash-up between Zero Dark Thirty and a zombie film

Outpost: Black Sun (2012)

Outpost: Black Sun (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Nazi Zombies

Outpost was a solid and reasonably effective rehashing of the Nazi zombie theme; this was the first of two sequels. The first had a formula that seems difficult to mess up but this does – it’s over half the film before we get zombies after which we get Just the Same As Before and little more

The Pact (2012)

The Pact (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Haunting and Serial Killer

Modestly effective film about a haunted suburban house. Debuting director Nicholas McCarthy produces a number of accomplished and eerie scares that stand him as a promising new name. The film weakens in the last act when trying to tie everything together with an improbable rationale

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Haunting Found Footage Film

The Paranormal Activity series has had a better run than most horror franchises up until now but the cracks are starting to show through here. This feels like it is straining to find some new way to do the familiar moves but fails to provide anything unexpected or original

ParaNorman (2012)

ParaNorman (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Stop-Motion Animated Children's Film/Kid Sees Dead People

Stop-motion animated children’s film from Laika that demonstrates a willingness to be scary. The film starts to move out of the amiably likeable after around the halfway point when it begins to play a number of horror tropes against expectation to deliver a reasonable message about fear and prejudice

Patient Zero (2012)

Patient Zero (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Madness-Inducing Virus Released at a Laboratory

This comes with a good premise – people must escape from a biological containment facility after the release of a virus that turns the infected homicidal. Essentially a low-budget version of The Crazies, this is a film that would have been improved by a studio budget

Pegasus vs. Chimera (2012)

Pegasus vs. Chimera (2012) poster
Rating: ★½
Fantasy Adventure

One of the numerous ‘vs’ films that came out after Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, this is actually a B-budget fantasy adventure made for cable. This is not particularly bad, just routine and uninspired on all counts where the budget cramps any of its imaginative horizons

Persistence of Vision (2012)

Persistence of Vision (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Documentary About the Making of The Thief and the Cobbler

A fascinating documentary about animator Richard Williams that principally focuses on the tragic failure of Williams’s lifework The Thief and the Cobbler, which would have been the most ambitious hand drawn film ever made

The Philadelphia Experiment (2012)

The Philadelphia Experiment (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Time Travel Experiment Amok

This Syfy Channel production can’t seem to decide if it is a sequel or a remake of the 1984 film. Michael Paré turn up in both versions but goes from being the hero to a menacing heavy. The original had its moments but this is generic and routine in all ways

Piranhaconda (2012)

Piranhaconda (2012) poster
Rating:
Giant Hybrid Snake

Amid the spate of deliberately ridiculous monster movies of the 2010s, we have also seen a fad for absurd hybrid creatures. In actuality, the piranhaconda is just a giant snake – and served by some incredibly bad effects in this negligible effort from B-budget hack Jim Wynorski

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012)

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Aardman Animation/Gonzo Pirate Adventure

Amiable effort from England’s Aardman Animations that doesn’t quite scale the heights of their other films but still has an entertainingly nonsensical charm that is far more enjoyable than most Hollywood competition

The Possession (2012)

The Possession (2012) poster
Rating:
Occult Box/Possession

Based on the urban legend surrounding a dybbuk box that turned up on an EBay auction, although the film throws this out to conduct an utterly generic possession story. Despite the novelty of drawing on Judaic mythology, the film still trades in the same tired cliches as the Christian exorcism film

Prometheus Trap (2012)

Prometheus Trap (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Space Expedition/Timeloop

Low-budget film that was clearly trying to ride on the coattails of Ridley Scott’s Alien prequel Prometheus. This tells an almost interesting story about a timeloop and gets full marks for winding in the Greek myth of Prometheus

The Raven (2012)

The Raven (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Edgar Allan Poe vs a Serial Killer

This has the great idea of pitting Edgar Allan Poe against a serial killer imitating his stories but instead produces a desultory murder mystery that has done only the most cursory reading about Poe and is ill-informed about the historical period

[Rec]3: Genesis (2012)

[Rec]3 Genesis (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Zombie Outbreak at a Wedding

Third entry in the Spanish Found Footage series. The Found Footage look is abandoned soon in but this decides to have fun and turns out the gore-drenched goods

Red Dawn (2012)

Red Dawn (2012) poster
Rating:
North Korean Invasion of the USA

The idea of remaking John Milus’s ridiculous 1984 survivalist fantasy about a Communist invasion of the USA maybe counts as one of the most absurdly unnecessary of all remakes. The film laughably tries to deal with the absence of a Soviet Union by creating a boogeyman out of North Korea

Red Lights (2012)

Red Lights (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Psychic Debunkers

Strong, well-written film from Buried director Rodrigo Cortes about investigators of psychic frauds encountering a possibly real example. This takes a welcomely sceptical, rationalist perspective, has a great cast and fine build-up but alas falls apart in a lame twist ending

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Videogame Adaptation/Complex of Zombies and Mutants

Another unnecessary entry in a creativity-handicapped series, the continuing popularity of which is baffles. This shuffles through the familiar moves, brings back several familiar characters but only leaves me asking why I have invested some nine hours of time following this series

Resolution (2012)

Resolution (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Mysterious Backwoods Happenings

Starting out as a gritty intervention drama, for some time this is not even a horror film. In the background are suggestions of increasingly more disturbed happenings until the film becomes something eerily cryptic – sort of The Evil Dead by way of The Picnic at Hanging Rock

Rise of the Guardians (2012)

Rise of the Guardians (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Team-Up Between Imaginary Characters

The concept – sort of akin to but with various imaginary beings (Santa, Jack Frost, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy etc) teaming up in an adventure – has a mild amusement to it but the film itself feels like an utterly processed piece of modern animated children’s movie formula

Rise of the Zombies (2012)

Rise of the Zombies (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Zombie Film

The Asylum have not delved into the zombie film as much as they have the gonzo killer shark, which they practically invented. This is one occasion on which they did and is unexpectedly a serious film with a reasonable name cast (including Danny Trejo as a zombie)