Rise of the Guardians (2012)

Rise of the Guardians (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Team-Up Between Imaginary Characters

The concept – sort of akin to but with various imaginary beings (Santa, Jack Frost, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy etc) teaming up in an adventure – has a mild amusement to it but the film itself feels like an utterly processed piece of modern animated children’s movie formula

Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017)

Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Cute Blue-Skinned Creatures

For their third Smurfs film, Sony have dispensed with the live-action/CGi animation mix of the previous two films and made a wholly animated film. Its’ the Smurfs in their more natural element but the film is never more than 3D eye candy for the moppet audiences

Ghost in the Shell (2015)

Ghost in the Shell: The New Movie (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Cyberpunk Anime

Another anime film in the Ghost in the Shell franchise. This was the fifth episode of the Ghost in the Shell: Arise reboot series that received a theatrical release

Smurfs (2025)

Smurfs (2025) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Cute Blue-Skinned Creatures

An animated revival of The Smurfs. This was greeted with a very negative reception. With a massive celebrity voice line-up packed into almost any corner of the film the casting director can manage

Robin Hood (1973)

Robin Hood (1973) poster
Rating: ★★
Disney Animation/Legend Enacted with Talking Animals

Disney animated film produced during the studio’s creative slump between the 1960s and 80s, the main conceit is recasting the story of Robin Hood with talking animals amid much slapstick

Bubble (2022)

Bubble (2022) poster
Rating: ★★
Anime/Mysterious Bubble Covers Tokyo

Anime in which Tokyo is covered by a mysterious energy bubble of alien origin and of a group of defiant youths who live on in its midst until the appearance of a mystery girl

The Black Cauldron (1985)

The Black Cauldron (1985) poster
Rating: ★★
Disney Animation/Sword and Sorcery

Forgotten Disney animated film that was not a success at the time it came out. It seeks to tell an epic fantasy tale in the J.R.R. Tolkien vein but ends up falling too much in the shadow of Star Wars

Robinson Crusoe (2016)

Robinson Crusoe (2016) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Desert Island Castaway with Talking Animals

Robinson Crusoe is a classic adventure story about a man shipwrecked on a desert island. It has no fantastic content but this is a bizarre animated version where Crusoe is aided by the talking animals that inhabits the island amid much slapstick shenanigans

The Little Vampire (2017)

The Little Vampire (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Children’s Vampire Film

Animated film based on the popular series of children’s stories about a kid who befriends a vampire boy. The same stories had previously appeared as a live-action fllm

The Boss Baby (2017)

The Boss Baby (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Ruthless Corporate Executive Baby

This has one of the most original nemeses created for an animated film – a baby in business suit and briefcase and with the demeanour of a ruthless corporate CEO – only for the film to then go and soften the character

Cars 3 (2017)

Cars 3 (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Pixar Animation/Talking Vehicles

Another of the weaker sequels that Pixar seem determined to churn out. This lacks the fun among the anthropomorphic vehicles that its predecessors had with a hardly inspiring story about its hero feeling old and over-the-hill

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2003)

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (2003) poster
Rating: ★★
Arabian Nights Adventure/Animation

DreamWorks animated Sinbad adventure by the numbers that seems to go out of its way to tell a Sinbad story divorced of its Islamic cultural background

The Illusionauts (2012)

The Illusionauts (2012) poster
Rating: ★½
Animation/Adventures Inside an Author's Imagination

A Peruvian children’s animated film about a device that allows people to enter an author’s imagination. This mostly has children having adventures in a facsimile of Jules Verne

Batman Ninja vs Yakuza League (2025)

Batman Ninja vs Yakuza League (2025) poster
Rating: ★½
Batman Anime

A sequel to Batman Ninja, which offered an anime treatment of Batman. This gives us a bizarre alternate Yakuza-ruled Japan with versions of the Justice League working for them

Mass Effect: Paragon Lost (2012)

Mass Effect: Paragon Lost (2012) poster
Rating: ★½
Anime/Videogame Adaptation

Another instance of a computer game or film franchise turning to anime to conduct a spinoff. While Mass Effect has an impressive reputation on the console screen, the film here is a dull piece that only comes in around the level of a production line animated tv episode

Chicken Little (2005)

Chicken Little (2005) poster
Rating: ★½
Disney Animation/Talking Animals/Alien Invasion

Head-scratching animated oddity from Disney that adapts the talking animal fairytale only to throw in a series of bizarre plot elements that end up as an alien invasion story

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer (1985)

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer (1985) poster
Rating:
Animation/Magic Horse Saves the Universe

Slight but colourful animated film for the very young based on the popular series of Hallmark cards and Mattel toys about a magical horse

Barbie and the Three Musketeers (2009)

Barbie and the Three Musketeers (2009) poster
Rating:
Animation/Barbie Swashbuckler

Alexandre Dumas’s classic adventure story is turned into an animated vehicle for Barbie with genders reversed and an absurdly upbeat Girls Can Do Anything vibe. Being a kid’s film, the girl Musketeers are no longer allowed to wield swords

Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure (2001)

Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure (2001) poster
Rating:
Disney Animation/Talking Animals

Disappointing video-released sequel to the classic Disney animated film where the engaging characters of the original have become settled down parents

Ice Age 2 (2006)

Ice Age 2 (2006) poster
Rating:
Animation/Prehistoric Talking Animals

The first in a series of interminable sequels to Blue Sky Studios’ animated prehistoric adventure. Everything has a tediousness that feels as though it is created by a script generating computer

Alice Through the Looking Glass (1987)

Alice Through the Looking Glass (1987) poster
Rating:
Animation/Alice in Wonderland Film

Obscure animated children’s movie adaptation of Alice in Wonderland that commits the sin of modernising and Americanizing Alice

Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (2017)

Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (2017) poster
Rating:
Animation/Cartoon Animals Redo Willy Wonka

The Tom and Jerry cartoons have the distinction of being considered the most violent ever. The question is why anybody considered why we needed an animated remake of Willy Wonka but with the addition of Tom and Jerry

Bigfoot vs The Illuminati (2020)

Bigfoot vs the Illuminati (2020) poster
Rating:
Gonzo Animation/Bigfoot Resurrected in Space

From the director of Trump vs the Illuminati, gonzo animation where Bigfoot and several resurrected historical figures fight off invading aliens that include Stalin, Aleister Crowley and Anubis

The Extraordinary Adventures of the Mouse and His Child (1977)

The Extraordinary Adventures of the Mouse and His Child (1977) poster
Rating:
Animation/Windup Toy's Quest

Based on a popular children’s book, this is a simplistic animated film for very young children about a toy mouse that goes on a quest to find freedom

Escape from Planet Earth (2013)

Escape from Planet Earth (2013) poster
Rating:
Animation/Aliens Imprisoned at Area 51 Comedy

This is fake SF, an animated film that has no interest in its concept, one that exists solely as a series of pop culture jokes, cutsie supporting characters, thrills and feelgood epiphanies

The Emperor’s New Groove 2: Kronk’s New Groove (2005)

The Emperor's New Groove 2: Kronk's New Groove (2005) poster
Rating:
Disney Animation

Another of the cheap made-for-video Disney animated sequels that were made during the 1990s/2000s, they tries to get by on association with its predecessor’s name

Norm of the North (2016)

Norm of the North (2016) poster
Rating:
Animation/Talking Polar Bear

As animated films go, there are few that feel like a constructor set of pieces copied from every other film than this. Audiences found the adventures of a twerking polar bear lacking too and it made a record for the lowest weekend gross for an animated film ever

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie (2022)

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie (2022) poster
Rating:
Animation/Comic-Book Superheroes

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are resurrected in a new animated film that feels like a watered-down fix designed for Ritalin-deprived youth

Arthur and the Two Worlds War (2010)

Arthur and the Two Worlds War (2010) poster
Rating:
Miniature Magical World

Luc Besson has made some phenomenal action films but I just can’t seem to get into his trilogy of children’s films. This was the third. A silly effort written down to a very juvenile level and padded with inane humour

Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012)

Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) poster
Rating:
Animation/Prehistoric Talking Animals

This is not a film, it is a money-making machine in the guise of a film aimed squarely at undiscerning family audiences that plays to familiar characters and comic routines and has minimal difference to the preceding three Ice Age films

The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

The Transformers: The Movie (1986) poster
Rating:
Transformer Robot Wars/Animation

Animated theatrically released spinoff from the original Transformers tv series. The film mostly serves to highlight the considerable number of characters where to the uninitiated it is frequently difficult to tell one side from the next.

A Troll in Central Park (1994)

A Troll in Central Park (1994) poster
Rating:
Animation/Troll's Adventures in Human Civilisation

Incredibly insipid animated film from Don Bluth about a kind-hearted troll that relocates to Central Park. This feels like a wannabe Disney film that is merely going through the moves.

Animalympics (1979)

Animalympics (1979) poster
Rating:
Animation/Talking Animal Olympics

From the director of Tron, an animated film produced to commemorate the 1980 Olympics, a series of skits with various talking animals participating in different Olympic sports

Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard (2009)

Arthur and the Revenge of Maltazard (2009) poster
Rating:
Miniature Magical World

This was the second of Luc Besson’s Minimoys films, partly animated children’s films set in a world of miniature creatures. Here the charms of the first film seem thinly stretched

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026)

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026) poster
Rating:
Animation/Videogame Adaptation

Sequel to the animated The Super Mario Bros. Movie, which was the second highest grossing film of 2023. From the people behind the Despicable Me films, this exists as little more than eye candy for five-year-olds

Walking With Dinosaurs (2013)

Walking with Dinosaurs (2013) poster
Rating:
Animation/Talking Dinosaurs

Walking With Dinosaurs was an amazing documentary series that recreated prehistoric life with CGI animation. By contrast. the film spinoff is a cutsie animated film with talking dinosaurs. It is a film that is killed by the decision to let the dinosaurs talk with smartass one-liners and contemporary in-jokes

Atlantis: Milo’s Return (2003)

Atlantis: Milo's Return (2003) poster
Rating:
Disney Animation Sequel

Another shabby Disney video-released sequel, in this case to Atlantis the Lost Empire. The result looks like three episodes of an unsold tv series slapped together to sell as a film

Pokemon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998)

Pokemon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998) poster
Rating:
Animation/Cute Creatures

The first film spun off from the popular Pokemon phenomenon and animated series, this is largely incomprehensible to anyone who is not familiar with the series

Happily N’Ever After (2006)

Happily N'Ever After (2006) poster
Rating:
Animation/Fairytale Deconstruction

Another in the spate of animated fairytale parodies that came out in the wake of Shrek, this subjects Cinderella to an excruciating barrage of pop-culture jokes and one-liners

Ice Age: Collision Course (2016)

Ice Age: Collision Course (2016) poster
Rating:
Animation/Prehistoric Talking Animals

I hate the Ice Age films and their tediously extruded adventures. The opening sequence here and its ignorance of even basic science is the most inane thing in the entire series

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007)

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007) poster
Rating:
Gonzo Animation

Film spinoff of the cult animated tv show. This feels like a film overtaken by the effort of trying to be surrealistic, wacky, scatological etc more than it is ever a film that creates gag that are funny

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) poster
Rating:
Star Wars Variety Show

The tv special that George Lucas would have all copies destroyed, a work of legendary badness – a Star Wars Thanksgiving special featuring most of the original cast and a series of variety performances that are mind-boggling in their ineptitude, not to mention complete and utter fumbling of everything that Star Wars was

Trolls (2016)

Trolls (2016) poster
Rating:
Animation/Small Cute Creatures

A perfect example of all the things I hate about modern animation. Based around the popular Troll dolls, this is vapidly designed, content-free product based solely around simplistic storylines, manic slapstick sequences, song and dance numbers, and inane contemporary pop culture in-jokes

Animal Farm (2025)

Animal Farm (2025) poster
Rating:
Animation/Talking Animal Social Satire

Actor Andy Serkis directs an adaptation of George Orwell’s satiric talking animals fable. However, the decision to update the story comes unstuck in spectacularly awful ways

Hoodwinked! (2005)

Hoodwinked! (2005) poster
Rating:
Animation/Little Red Riding Hood Deconstructed

Animated film that offers a revisionist take on Little Red Riding Hood. Everything is played in a manic barrage of pop culture gags and level of inanity that is seriously mind damaging

Kong, King of Atlantis (2005)

Kong, King of Atlantis (2005) poster
Rating:
Animation/King Kong vs the Lizard People of Atlantis

The most ridiculous work to bear Kong’s name – an animated film with songs where Kong has two buddies who says “dude” and “bro” a lot and Kong fights the lizard people from Atlantis