Mars et Avril (2012)

Mars et Avril (2012) poster
Rating:
Expedition to Mars/Future Music Making and the Meaning of It All

An impressively designed Quebecois sf film where it is it is sad to see so much artistry lavished on something completely nonsensical and utterly woolly-headed in terms of its ideas

Vampirella (1996)

Vampirella (1996) poster
Rating:
Comic Book Adaptation/Alien Vampire Heroine

Disappointingly tatty rendering of the famous comic-book strip as a low-budget Roger Corman production. Vampirella is missing her distinctive costume and Talisa Soto comes nowhere near the comic-book character’s statuesque voluptuousness

Batman Forever (1995)

Batman Forever (1995) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superhero

Tim Burton’s superlative duo of Batman films were wrecked after Joel Schumacher took up the director’s chair and turned the films into giant camp fests. Here he allows a madly overacting Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones loose as the villains

Oldboy (2013)

Oldboy (2013) poster
Rating:
Imprisonment and Revenge

Spike Lee’s English-language remake of Oldboy is an abortion. Where Park Chan-Wook directed the original with an insane energy, whereas Lee only delivers a formula action film and fumbles the ending

Men in Black: International (2019)

Men in Black: International (2019) poster
Rating:
Alien Coverup Conspiracy Agency

The original Men in Black was a witty parody of alien coverup conspiracies; the sequels became slapstick films about pop-up aliens and gadgets hidden behind everyday things. This offers little that is new

Abattoir (2016)

Abattoir (2016) poster
Rating:
Sinister Small Town/Collector of Murder Rooms

Darren Lynn Bousman is the director most associated with the Saw sequels and its Torture Porn excesses. His other films have been lacking. This comes with one of the most off the wall premises one has seen

Brenda Starr (1989)

Brenda Starr (1989) poster
Rating:
Girl Reporter Comic-Strip Adaptation

Disastrous Brooke Shields starring film adaptation of the famous comic-strip about a girl reporter. Nobody involved is taking the show seriously and everything is blown into camp farce.

I Frankenstein (2014)

I Frankenstein (2014) poster
Rating:
Frankenstein Monster's Modern-Day War with Demons

An empty-headed work that seems entirely premised around the provision of CGI effects spectacle and actively resists engagement on any other level. A spectacularly ridiculous film in almost every way

Faust: Love of the Damned (2000)

Faust: Love of the Damned (2000) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Adaptation/Demonic Avenger

Brian Yuzna’s adaptation of the cult comic-book is a disappointment that has tamed down any of the censorship-pushing controversy the original had and emerges as no more than a standard dark avenging superhero film

It’s a Bird … It’s a Plane … It’s Superman (1975)

It’s a Bird … It’s a Plane … It’s Superman (1975) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superhero/Musical

This is possibly the most bizarre entry in the history of the cinematic Superman – a filmed adaptation of Superman Broadway musical. This has to be seen to be believed

The Erotic Misadventures of the Invisible Man (2003)

The Erotic Misadventures of the Invisible Man (2003) poster
Rating:
Erotica with an Invisible Man

Most classic monsters have undergone an adult movie interpretation at some point – here it is the turn of The Invisible Man

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superheroes

This reboot of the pop culture icons of 80s/90s is an ugly failure on almost every level. The Turtles I remember were hip, funky and bubbled with boyish enthusiasm; these Turtles seem sinister oversized creations, while the film’s adrenalised over-production and emphasis on grit seems to have missed the essential element of fun

Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties (2006)

Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties (2006) poster
Rating:
Lazy Talking Cat

Where the first live-action Garfield film approximated the original comic-strip and its focus on a cat delivering sarcastic lines, this sequel pitches everything down to the level of an inane children’s film

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superheroes in Feudal Japan

The third of the original live-action Turtles films is a lazily conceived affair that transplants the Turtles back in time to feudal Japan in a plot that rips off The Seven Samurai

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie (2022)

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie (2022) poster
Rating:
Animation/Comic-Book Superheroes

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are resurrected in a new animated film that feels like a watered-down fix designed for Ritalin-deprived youth

Spider-Man (1977)

Spider-Man (1977) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superhero

The first big screen incarnation of the Marvel Comics character, the theatrically released pilot for a dreary tv series starring Nicholas Hammond that stripped Spider-Man down to being no more than a superpowered detective in a tv cop show

Ghost in the Shell (2017)

Ghost in the Shell (2017) poster
Rating:
Live-Action Anime Adaptation/Cyberpunk Future

This US-made live-action adaptation of the cult anime is a disaster on every level. The original’s haunting meditation on the dividing line between machine and human is diluted to being no more than a Cyberpunk action film

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Avenger/Demonic Superhero

Ridiculous sequel to the Marvel Comics adaptation with an indifferently written script assembled from cliches, forgettable action scenes and Nicolas Cage giving one of his silliest performances in ages

Catwoman (2004)

Catwoman (2004) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superheroine

The long-planned Halle Berry-starring Catwoman movie proved a widely ridiculed bomb. The film throws out the comic-book Catwoman and instead opts for an approach the frequently collapses into the risible

Hellboy (2019)

Hellboy (2019) poster
Rating:
Demon Superhero/Comic-Book Adaptation

Reboot of the Hellboy series promisingly comes from Neil Marshall but is also made by Millennium Films who have a habit of buying up previously successful properties and churning out cheaper spinoffs

Captain America II (1979)

Captain America II (1979) video cover2
Rating:
Comic-Book Superhero

Another of the mostly disastrous Marvel tv adaptations of the 1970s. Captain America is sidelined for much of the show. This does conduct the coup of casting Christopher Lee as the villain but criminally gives him nothing to do

Officer Downe (2016)

Officer Downe (2016) poster
Rating:
Undead Cop/Graphic Novel Adaptation

Comic-book adaptation about a cop that is resurrected from the dead to take on the toughest assignments. Feels like a throwback to an 80s film like Maniac Cop or Dead Heat where the film is killed by the tiresomely cliched appropriation of the faux grindhouse aesthetic

The Hunters (2013)

The Hunters (2013) poster
Rating: ½
Quest for Fairytale Artefacts

The premise of a group of adventurers seeking artifacts from fairytales has mild possibilities but is given zero conviction by anybody involved. A sub-Indiana Jones adventure that was made as a tv pilot

Dragonball: Evolution (2009)

Dragonball Evolution (2009) poster
Rating: ½
Anime in Live-Action/Martial Arts Superheroes

Disastrous and miscalculated live-action Hollywood version of the anime series. which turns the characters into just regular teenagers. Nobody involved seems to be making any effort.

The Return of Swamp Thing (1989)

The Return of Swamp Thing (1989) poster
Rating: ½
Comic-Book Mutant Superhero

Wes Craven’s adaptation of DC’s Swamp Thing was not a very good film. This sequel has been handed over to prolific B-budget hack Jim Wynorski who shows he is unable to take any of it seriously

Modesty Blaise (1966)

Modesty Blaise (1966) poster
Rating:
Female Super Thief/Comic Book Adaptation

Modesty Blaise was a classic British comic-book about a smart female thief. On screen, it is turned into a copy of the James Bond films that goes for excruciatingly over-the-top camp excess

Batman & Robin (1997)

Batman & Robin (1997) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superhero

Possibly the worst film ever made on a big studio budget, Joel Schumacher’s follow-up to Tim Buton’s standout Batman films where he turns everything into an absurd Day Glo realm with a script for two year-olds, campy puns and badly overacting super-villains

The Crow (2024)

The Crow (2024) poster
Rating:
Resurrected Avenger

The original The Crow is a cult classic. This long-planned remake from the perpetually terrible Rupert Sanders was an ill-advised move from every angle that gets just about everything from the mood to the conception of its character wrong

Supergirl (1984)

Supergirl (1984) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superheroine

The Christopher Reeve Superman films started superbly but became wrecked by the producers’ insistence on the insertion of comedy element. Here they turn their attentions to Superman’s cousin Kara whose screen debut is derailed by a horrendously overacting Faye Dunaway

Howard the Duck (1986)

Howard the Duck (1986) poster
Rating:
Talking Alien Duck/Comic Book Adaptation

This adaptation of the cult Marvel comic-book from Lucasfilm should have been a classic but went tail-feathers up in a big way such that it became the term used for a film that bombs for years afterwards

Spiderman and the Dragon’s Challenge (1980)

Spiderman and the Dragons Challenge (1980) poster
Rating:
Comic-Book Superhero

The third and last of the theatrically released films recut from the 1970s live-action Spider-Man tv series. The near sleep-inducing plot takes Nicholas Hammond’s Spider-Man to Hong Kong