The Testament of Dr Mabuse (1962)

The Testament of Dr Mabuse (1962) poster
Rating: ★★★
Mind-Controlling Criminal Mastermind

Third of the German thrillers of the 1960s featuring the criminal mastermind Dr Mabuse, a remake of the 1933 film where Mabuse continues his criminal schemes via mind control despite being confined to an asylum

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Backwoods Brutality

An absolute horror classic, a film that has been conceived as a harrowing assault on one’s nerves. This has become a landmark genre classic and led to numerous sequels and copies but rarely any that matched the original

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) poster
Rating: ★★★
Backwoods Brutality

A remake of Tobe Hooper’s landmark classic that presaged a host of inferior 70s/80s horror remakes throughout the 2000s/10s. What we have is now a different film although not entirely an uninteresting one

The Thief of Bagdad (1940)

The Thief of Bagdad (1940) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Arabian Nights Adventure

An Arabian Nights adventure that offers up one of the purest blends of fantasy and romance of its era. Filled with stunning directorial set-pieces and magnificent sets and all shot in colour.

The Thing (1982)

The Thing (1982) poster
Rating: ★★★★★
Shapechanging Alien Nasty

John Carpenter at the peak of his career, remaking The Thing from Another World as a wild and phantasmagoric film steeped in paranoia that proved to be the absolute epitome of the era’s fad for air-bladder transformation effects

The Thing (2011)

The Thing (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Shapechanging Alien Nasty

Though pitched as a prequel, this is essentially a remake of John Carpenter’s classic. Alas, this only finds the same phantasmagoric outlandishness as Carpenter did in a couple of scenes that may be moderately impressive for those who have never seen the original

The Thing from Another World (1951)

The Thing from Another World (1951) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Alien Invader

The very first alien invader film of the 1950s. Maybe or maybe not directed by Howard Hawks, this has a dramatic urgency and tight tension that makes it stand head and shoulders above most of the films that came after

The Thousand Faces of Dunjia (2017)

The Thousand Faces of Dunjia (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Wu Xia/Flying Swordsman Fantasy

One welcomes a collaboration between Tsui Hark, the godfather of Hong Kong fantasy cinema, and Yuen Wo Ping, fight choreographer for The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon but the the results are oddly disappointing, with Yuen’s talents seeming buried under the CGI

The Time Machine (1960)

The Time Machine (1960) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Time Travel/H.G. Wells Adaptation

This adaptation of H.G. Wells’ classic novel was one of the best films from 1950s SF producer/director George Pal. The time travel is depicted with considerable wondrousness and standout effects for the era

The Time Machine (2002)

The Time Machine (2002) poster
Rating: ★★
Time Travel/H.G. Wells Adaptation

Remake of the classic H.G. Wells novel that comes with the novelty of being directed by Wells’s great-grandson. More disappointingly it prefers to merely remake the 1960 film rather than return to the book

Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (2017)

Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (2017) poster
Rating:
Animation/Cartoon Animals Redo Willy Wonka

The Tom and Jerry cartoons have the distinction of being considered the most violent ever. The question is why anybody considered why we needed an animated remake of Willy Wonka but with the addition of Tom and Jerry

Total Recall (1990)

Total Recall (1990) poster
Rating: ★★
Virtual Memories/Reality Bender/Action

Adaptation of a Philip K. Dick story is killed by being turned into an Arnold Schwarzenegger action vehicle and by director Paul Verhoeven’s burying the reality bending subtleties of the story under bludgeoning ultra-violence

Total Recall (2012)

Total Recall (2012) poster
Rating: ★★½
Virtual Memories/Reality Bender/Action

I was never a particular fan of the Schwarzenegger original and this improves on it somewhat. This is far better conceived as an action film with some amazing Cyberpunk designs. On the other hand, the two decades interim has made the story’s Philip K. Dick-ian reality bendings seem commonplace

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976) poster
Rating: ★★★
True Life Serial Killer

Interesting little film that has gained a small cult reputation, a True Crime work based on a series of unsolved killings conducted by a masked figure in a small Southern town in 1946. A solid, quasi-documentary-like depiction that adheres to the facts for the most part

The Toxic Avenger (1984)

The Toxic Avenger (1986) poster
Rating:
Mutant Superhero/Bad Taste Splatter/Troma Film

The film that launched the name of Troma Films. The world’s first superhero splatter film, this readily dives into bad taste just to see what kind of offence it can get away with

The Toxic Avenger (2023)

The Toxic Avenger (2023) poster
Rating: ★★
Mutant Superhero/Troma Remake

A remake of the work that launched Troma films. The original The Toxic Avenger was a gungily nasty film that readily trod way over all lines of good taste. In being cast with name stars, this has been cleaned up considerably

Turkey Shoot (2014)

Turkey Shoot (2014) poster
Rating:
Human Hunting/Near Future Reality TV Show

Remake of the Ozploitation film where the original’s Most Dangerous Game scenario set in a dystopian future is lamely rewritten as a reality tv show and another Hunger Games ripoff. The original was fairly terrible; this has a lack of conviction in most regards that makes it even worse

2001 Maniacs (2005)

2001 Maniacs (2005) poster
Rating: ★★★
Splatter/Southern Town of Maniacs

Eli Roth-produced remake of the Herschell Gordon Lewis splatter film Two Thousand Maniacs, this plants tongue in cheek, is fairly and squarely aimed at a frat boy audience and unapologetic about piling on copious amounts of gore and naked breasts

Village of the Damned (1960)

Village of the Damned (1960) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Telepathic Alien Children

Classic adaptation of the John Wyndham novel about the women in a sleepy English village being impregnated and producing emotionless alien children with vast psychic powers. This translates the paranoia of US alien invasion films with considerable effectiveness

Village of the Damned (1995)

Village of the Damned (1995) poster
Rating: ★★
Telepathic Alien Children

Director John Carpenter did amazing things with his remake of The Thing but was not able to replicate such with his remake of Village of the Damned, which misses the taut atmosphere of the 1960 film

Westworld (1973)

Westworld (1973) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Android Amusement Park Amok

A hit for novelist Michael Crichton who made his directorial debut here. Themes of machines going amok run throughout Crichton’s work and here he comes up with the ingenious idea of a Western simulation playground using androids that proceed to turn against the humans

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Batty Old Dames Psycho-Thriller

Psycho-thriller featuring a mad Bette Davis torturing her sister Joan Crawford. This held considerable shock at the time for seeing two former glamorous Hollywood stars beyond their glory days and going nuts. The film’s success inspired a whole fad of imitators

What Men Want (2019)

What Men Want (2019) poster
Rating:
Woman Can Read Women's Minds Comedy

A gender-swapped remake of What Women Want in which Taraji P. Henson gets the ability to read men’s thoughts. Henson displays no talent for comedy and this is a spectacularly unfunny film

What Women Want (2000)

What Women Want (2000) poster
Rating: ★★½
Man Can Read Womens' Minds/Romantic Comedy

Amiable romantic comedy in which Mel Gibson comes round after an accident in the shower to find he now has the ability to read women’s thoughts.

What Women Want (2011)

What Women Want (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Man Can Read Womens' Minds/Romantic Comedy

Chinese remake of the romcom where Mel Gibson was suddenly able to hear women’s thoughts. A second time over, the premise seems slight while the film crucially fails to create much passion between its two stars

Willard (2003)

Willard (2003) poster
Rating: ★★
Man Befriends Rats

James Wong and Glen Morgan, the duo behind Final Destination, remake the 1971 film about a man and his rats. However, this is set in a stylised 1940s world with a caricatured performance from Crispin Glover that causes the film to lack any credibility

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Gonzo Children's Adventure/Fantastical Candy Factory

A Roald Dahl children’s film that has become a cult classic, set in a deliriously nonsensical world with Gene Wilder give a sinisterly threatening performance in the title role

Witchboard (1986)

Witchboard (1986) poster
Rating: ★★½
Malevolent Spirit

A passable 80s horror in which Tawny Kitaen summons an evil spirit via an ouija board. That was a sufficient hit on video shelves that two sequels followed and then a remake.

Yongary, Monster from the Deep (1967)

Yongary, Monster from the Deep (1967) poster
Rating:
South Korean Monster Movie

South Korean copy of the Japanese Godzilla films and a painfully cheap effort on all counts