Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio (2022)

Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio (2022) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Living Puppet Boy/Stop-Motion Animation

Guillermo Del Toro offers up his dark, more adult take on the classic children’s story in this beautifully made stop-motion animated film. Winner of that year’s Academy Award for Best Animated Film.

How It Ends (2021)

How It Ends (2021) poster
Rating: ★★★
The Last Day of the World Comedy

A shot during the Covid lockdown film. An amiable comedy set on the last day of the world where Zoe Lister-Jones and her imaginary younger self Cailee Spaeny walk across L.A. to find closure with the people in her life

Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom (2016)

Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom (2016) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Young H.P. Lovecraft's Adventures

H.P. Lovecraft is a cult horror writer whose work brims over with a sense of cosmic dread. One of the most bizarre Lovecraft film adaptations is this work of children’s animation featuring a young Lovecraft

Howard Lovecraft and the Undersea Kingdom (2017)

Howard Lovecraft and the Undersea Kingdom (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Young H.P. Lovecraft’s Adventures

The second in a series of animated children’s films about the young H.P. Lovecraft and his encounters with the various denizens of the Cthulhu mythos

Howard Lovecraft and the Kingdom of Madness (2018)

Howard Lovecraft and the Kingdom of Madness (2018) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Young H.P. Lovecraft's Adventures

The third of the trilogy of animated films from Arcana Studios based around the adventures of a young H.P. Lovecraft

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Madman Surgically Connects Human Bodies

Sequel to the original that pushes into even more perverse territory. This throws some amusing spins on the original, creating a unique protagonist, while also contriving to exist inside an extremely disturbed headspace

The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) (2015)

The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) (2015) poster
Rating:
Prison Warden Surgically Connects Prisoners' Bodies

The first two Human Centipede films are masterpieces of twisted extremes. The third entry goes astray in giving the show over to Dieter Laser in one of the most over-the-top performances ever unleashed

Immoral Tales (1974)

Immoral Tales (1974) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Erotic Anthology/Countess Bathory Story

One of the key films from cult director Walerian Borowczyk, a quartet of exquisitely photographed and art directed erotic tales, including one about Countess Bathory

Incident at Loch Ness (2004)

Incident at Loch Ness (2004) poster
Rating: ★★★
Loch Ness Monster Mockumentary

A witty parody of the Found Footage form where the attempts by Werner Herzog to make a documentary about the Loch Ness monster are constantly upset by the director’s insistence on sensation and faked monster appearances

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023) poster
Rating: ★★★
Adventure Film

At age 80, Harrison Ford returns for what looks like being the last ever Indiana Jones film. It’s not perfect but when you compare to all the other contemporary franchises, this still has the good old adventure spirit

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) poster
Rating: ★★
High Adventure/Holy Grail Quest

Third of the Indiana Jones films. This comes with all the breakneck action sequences and Sean Connery doing a fine comic turn as Indiana’s irascible father but also plays to a much greater slapstick emphasis

The Infinite Worlds of H.G. Wells (2001)

The Infinite Worlds of H.G. Wells (2001) poster
Rating: ★★½
Anthology of H.G. Wells Stories/TV Mini-Series

TV mini-series that adapts six less well known short stories by H.G. Wells into an anthology with Wells as the central character. A couple of good stories, some that never hit the mark

Iron Sky: The Coming Race (2019)

Iron Sky: The Coming Race (2019) poster
Rating: ★★
Nazi Moonbase/Alien Lizard People from the Centre of the Earth

Timo Vuorensola’s follow-up to Iron Sky. It is hard to believe that a film with a premise that combines Nazis on the Moon with alien lizard people from the hollow core of the Earth could go wrong

Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart (2013)

Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart (2013) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Boy With a Cuckoo-Clock Heart on a Quest

A French animated film where a boy with a cuckoo-clock for a heart goes on a quest for love through a surreal quasi-Steampunk world. With cameos from Georges Melies and Jack the Ripper

Jackboots on Whitehall (2010)

Jackboots on Whitehall (2010) poster
Rating: ★★½
Nazis Invade England/Satiric Alternate History/Puppet Film

A puppet film about a satiric Nazi invasion of England in World War II. Imagine It Happened Here by way of Team America. This has its amusements but is uneven

Jekyll (2007)

Jekyll (2007) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Modernised Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde/TV Mini-Series

Doctor Who writer/producer Steven Moffat’s modernised Jekyll and Hyde reworks the story in fascinatingly radical ways, while James Nesbitt gives a gleeful rafter-rattling performance

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (1966)

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966) poster
Rating: ★★
Frankenstein Out West

Notorious Z movie made as companion piece to Billy the Kid Versus Dracula in which the famous outlaw encounters Frankenstein’s granddaughter and her creations

John Carter (2012)

John Carter (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Planetary Adventure/Edgar Rice Burroughs Adaptation

While the film bombed, it emerges as a fairly good and faithful, lavishly produced adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ swashbuckling planetary adventure

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (2015)

Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell (2015) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Rivalry Between Magicians

This BBC adaptation of Susanna Clarke’s book about rival 19th century magicians kicks J.K. Rowling completely out of the ring. A beautifully staged costume drama, written with a superb Austen-esque dryness of wit

Jules Verne’s Rocket to the Moon (1967)

Jules Verne's Rocket to the Moon (1967) poster
Rating:
Victorian Rocket Launch Comedy

This jumps aboard the 1960s fad for Jules Verne film adaptations but it has nothing to do with Verne and is instead a slapstick caper film about the building of a rocket during the Victorian era

Kafka (1991)

Kafka (1991) poster
Rating: ★★½
Fictionalised Author Biopic/Mad Scientists

Steven Soderbergh’s second film was this flop pseudo-biopic that places Franz Kafka (Jeremy Irons) alongside mad scientist elements and German Expressionist homages but fails to find much of Kafka’s paranoid mood

King Charles III (2017)

King Charles III (2017) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Near-Future British Royal What If Story

A near future film that with eviscerates the royals with biting savagery as it depicts Prince Charles becoming the King of England and clashing with the government of the day

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) poster
Rating: ★★½
Spy Film/Comic-Book Adaptation

Kingsman with its parody of gentlemanliness and action movie sensibilities, was the smartest of the modern spy movie parodies. This sequel has gone to the excesses of the Roger Moore Bond films in the space of one film

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Spy Film/Comic-Book Adaptation

This rescues the spy film from the silliness of Austin Powers. The film’s sly mocking of its Englishness, with Colin Firth going into action as an impeccably mannered gentleman, along with explosive action sequences is irresistible

Last Action Hero (1993)

Last Action Hero (1993) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Adventures Inside the Movie Screen/Action Movie Parody

A big flop but highly underrated Arnold Schwarzenegger film, a sophisticated meta-fiction that views the cinema screen as another dimension and wittily deflates action cliches

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018)

The Last Sharknado: It's About Time (2018) poster
Rating: ★★
Storm of Sharks/Deliberately Bad Film

The sixth of the Sharknado films, this has the usual crew fighting sharknados throughout history. With this comes the recognition there is nowhere more ridiculous and over-the-top for the series to go

The League of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse (2005)

The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse (2005) poster
Rating: ★★½
TV Characters Enter the Real World

Film spinoff from the popular British comedy series sees the familiar characters entering the real world to meet their creators and deal with the cancellation of the show

The Limehouse Golem (2016)

The Limehouse Golem (2016) poster
Rating: ★★
Victorian Serial Killer

This comes with a captivating tagline “Before The Ripper, fear had another name” and misleadingly suggests it is based on another true-life Victorian serial killer. This refuses to be the police procedural you expect

Live Freaky! Die Freaky! (2006)

Live Freaky! Die Freaky! (2006) poster
Rating: ★★★
Claymation/Bad Taste Satire of the Manson Family Killings

A satiric Claymation animated version of the Manson murders. The film quickly heads for some astonishing bad taste areas, before finding itself in some biting black humour and songs

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot (2018)

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot (2018) poster
Rating: ★★
Aging Assassin's Secret History

Full marks for one of the great deliberately ridiculous titles of all time. The film itself is an oddity that almost seems intended to confound your expectations of it

Marquis (1989)

Marquis (1989) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Marquis De Sade Story/Obscene Puppet Show

Hilariously adult and filthy minded retelling of the Marquis de Sade story using puppets. Quills crossbred with Meet the Feebles if you like.

Men in Black 3 (2012)

Men in Black 3 (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Alien Coverup Conspiracy Agency

One hardly greets the attempt to generate another entry out of this franchise with any enthusiasm. This mostly consists of tired and familiar gags, where maybe the most generous compliment you can pay is that it is better than Men in Black II was

Midnight’s Children (2012)

Midnight's Children (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Modern History of India/Children With Superpowers

Adaptation of a Salman Rushdie novel that acts as a superhero film of sorts about a secret war between people with unique powers set against the backdrop of 20th Century Indian history

Minions (2015)

Minions (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Cute Mischievous Creatures

The incomprehensibly manic antics of the Minions have a cuteness appeal that has overspilled the Despicable Me films and seemed like it is in danger of taking over pop culture in the last couple of years; here they get a film all to themselves with amiably lightweight results

Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014)

Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Time-Travelling Dog Genius and His Son

DreamWorks animated film based on an old Rocky and Bullwinkle segment about a time-travelling genius dog and his adopted human son. This takes a relentlessly content-free approach to history that strips it down to no more than a series of giddy 3D slapstick gags for the single digit age groups

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013)

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013) poster
Rating: ★★
Secret World of Magic Amid the Everyday

A Young Adult fantasy adaptation that fells a Harry Potter wannabe repackaged with the brooding teen romanticism of the Twilight series, all under a director whose indifferent handling fails to animate any of the material

The Most Assassinated Woman in the World (2018)

The Most Assassinated Woman in the World (2018) poster
Rating: ★★
Real-Life Grand Guignol Theatre

A biopic of Paula Maxa, the real-life star of Paris’s Grand Guignol Theatre. The Grand Guignol specialised in plays depicting gory on-stage deaths and she was killed on stage an estimated 10,000 times during her career. Here the biopic elements are blended with a mystery in which she is targeted by a serial killer

Murder By Decree (1979)

Murder By Decree (1979) poster
Rating: ★★★
Sherlock Holmes vs Jack the Ripper

A lavish and ambitious production that has the fictional character of Sherlock Holmes solving the real-life Jack the Ripper murders, even if the eventual resolution opts for one of the more far-fetched theories about The Ripper’s identity

The Muse (1999)

The Muse (1999) poster
Rating: ★★½
Modern Muse/Hollywood Satire

Albert Brooks film with Sharon Stone as a Greek muse. This suggests a Woody Allen whimsy crossed with something of Robert Altman’s The Player and its satire on Hollywood with real-life celebrities playing themselves

Mystery Train (1989)

Mystery Train (1989) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Anthology of Tales from a Memphis Hotel/Ghost of Elvis

Dry and typically laconic trio of tales from Jim Jarmusch all set around characters at a Memphis hotel on the same night. Included here for one episode featuring the appearance of a ghost Elvis

Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012)

Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Nazis Under the Polar Icecap/Hitler with a Robot Body/Mad Science

Hands down the best film ever produced by The Asylum. How could one not like an entertainingly madcap concoction that features mad scientists, zombie stormtroopers, Nazi UFOs and Adolf Hitler preserved as a head in a jar attached to a robot body?

Necronomicon (1993)

Necronomicon (1993) poster
Rating: ★★
H.P. Lovecraft Anthology

Anthology of three H.P. Lovecraft tales from directors Christophe Gans, Brian Yuzna and Shusuke Kaneko. For claiming such a quintessentially Lovecraftian title as this, you feel that it should have been more than it is

Night at the Museum 2 (2009)

Night at the Museum 2 (2009) poster
Rating: ★★
Museum Exhibits Come to Life

Sequel to the Ben Stiller hit offers more of the same with a bigger museum and more exhibits come to life but little else

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (2014)

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (2014) poster
Rating:
Museum Exhibits Come to Life

The third entry in a franchise that seems to be stretching to find anything to do with its premise beyond the first film. Everyone involved seems to have only turned up to collect a paycheque and be going through the motions in a show that entirely coasts by solely on your familiarity with the characters

Night at the Museum (2006)

Night at the Museum (2006) poster
Rating: ★★
Museum Exhibits Come to Life

Popular family hit with Ben Stiller as a night watchman at New York’s Museum of Natural History who discovers that the exhibits come to life at night. More a cute idea than a full film, there is some fun to the characters and effects

Night Terrors (1993)

Night Terrors (1993) poster
Rating: ★★
Sado-Sexual Games/Marquis De Sade's Descendant

Another example of Tobe Hooper’s slight into mediocrity in the 1990s, an erotic thriller that features a madly overacting Robert Englund as the Marquis de Sade and an innocent being corrupted by his descendant in the modern day

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: From the Stories of Stephen King (2006)

Nightmares & Dreamscapes From the Stories of Stephen King (2006) poster
Rating: ★★★
Stephen King Anthology

TV mini-series that adapts eight Stephen King short stories. As with any anthology, the stories vary in quality but are generally quite reasonable

No Retreat, No Surrender (1986)

No Retreat, No Surrender (1986) poster
Rating: ½
Martial Arts/Ghost of Bruce Lee

Martial arts film about a bullied teenager who gets aid from the ghost of Bruce Lee. A shabby effort lifted by the dynamic presence of a then unknown Jean-Claude Van Damme

Nostradamus (2000)

Nostradamus (2000) poster
Rating: ★★
Nostradamus/Time Travel/The Millennium/The Biblical Apocalypse

A batshit crazy film involving Nostradamus who is a present-day cop, a time travelling assassin trying to bring about the Biblical Apocalypse at The Millennium, plus alternate timelines and a psychic FBI agent

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Depression-Era Version of The Odyssey

The Coen Brothers hilariously adapt The Odyssey into the Depression Era with George Clooney leading a trio of escaped convicts as he tries to return to his wife

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) poster
Rating: ★★★
Vampire Film

Individualistic indie director Jim Jarmusch tackles the vampire film. Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston are fantastically well paired as the two bored title lovers. Beautifully filmed but, typical of Jarmusch, one where not a lot happens

Operation Avalanche (2016)

Operation Avalanche (2016) poster
Rating: ★★★½
The Faking of the Moon Landing/Found Footage

This takes the old conspiracy theory about the Moon Landing being faked by tv and rather hilariously is a Found Footage film being shot by two filmmakers who have been tasked with fabricating the Moon Landing

Oƨombie (2012)

Osombie (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Osama bin Laden as a Zombie

This surely takes the cake amid the fad for wacky zombie films in which Osama bin Laden is resurrected as a zombie. Imagine a mash-up between Zero Dark Thirty and a zombie film

Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016)

Pee-Wee's Big Holiday (2016) poster
Rating: ★★★
Overgrown Adolescent's Nonsense Adventures

Pee-Wee Herman is a deliberately annoying character that is either adored or intensely loathed by audiences. This third film closely follows the structure of the first film with Pee-Wee in a series of nonsense adventures on a cross-country journey

Phantom of the Opera (1943)

Phantom of the Opera (1943) poster
Rating:
Disfigured Madman Beneath the Opera House

The second film version of the story, lavishly remaking the classic 1925 Lon Chaney version in sound and colour. Alas, all this serves to do is stuff and mount the story. With the addition of a sympathetic backstory and cast with a wimpily diminutive Claude Rains, Chaney’s magnificently mad Phantom comes across like an indignant fox terrier

Photographing Fairies (1997)

Photographing Fairies (1997) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Fairies and Altered Perception

One of two films that came out in 1997 about the Cottingley Fairies Hoax. In comparison to the other, FairyTale: A true Story, this expands the premise out into a remarkable study of altered perception

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012)

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Aardman Animation/Gonzo Pirate Adventure

Amiable effort from England’s Aardman Animations that doesn’t quite scale the heights of their other films but still has an entertainingly nonsensical charm that is far more enjoyable than most Hollywood competition

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Pirate Fantasy Swashbuckler

The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is revived for a fifth outing. There is a new director in Rob Marshall but bar an energetic comic opening, he never does much that hits the zany heights of the previous entries

The Pit and the Pendulum (1991)

The Pit and the Pendulum (1991) poster
Rating: ★★
Edgar Allan Poe Adaptation/Inquisition Horrors

Stuart Gordon’s adaptation of the Edgar Allan Poe story gets full marks for being set during the Spanish Inquisition. On the other hand, Gordon’s unserious splatter heavy approach and a campy performance from Lance Henriksen deflates the material

Pixels (2015)

Pixels (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Alien Invaders Bring Classic Videogames to Life

This has a certain cuteness to its premise – of seeing a bunch of classic videogames brought to life. Beyond that, Pixels is a one gimmick film that suffers from two people whose films I hate – the perpetually banal Chris Columbus and the irritatingly smug presence of Adam Sandler

Play It Again Sam (1972)

Play It Again Sam (1972) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Romantic Advice from Humphrey Bogart's Ghost Comedy

Comedy based on a Woody Allen play in which Allen plays his usual hapless character who receives romantic advice from the ghost of Humphrey Bogart

The Plot Against America (2020)

The Plot Against America (2020) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Alternate History

You might be inclined to dismiss on the basis of its title as some of lunatic fringe YouTube conspiracy video. But what we actually have is a strong and powerfully written alternate history mini-series based around the idea of Charles Lindbergh becoming US President in 1940 and the country’s subsequent slide into fascism

Postal (2007)

Postal (2007) poster
Rating:
Videogame Adaptation/Bad Taste Satire

Another Uwe Boll videogame adaptation, a satire where Zack Ward sets out on a shooting spree. Boll sets out to offend as many people as possible but somehow forgets to make any of it funny

The Prestige (2006)

The Prestige (2006) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Rival Victorian Stage Magicians

Christopher Nolan directs a beautiful period piece with Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman as rival Victorian stage magicians. The film is an elegantly crafted Hall of Mirrors and illusions, capped by sterling performances from all involved

Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies (2014)

Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies (2014) poster
Rating:
Zombie Film

The zombie film of the 2010s has become marked by a search for the most bizarre and incongruous title/conceptual mash-ups. True to its promise, the film pits several WWE wrestlers up against zombies, alas the creativity begins and ends with the mild amusement of the title concept

Radio Free Albemuth (2014)

Radio Free Albemuth (2014) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Philip K. Dick Adaptation/Possible Messages from Aliens

Adaptation of an autobiographical Philip K. Dick book that he wrote in an attempt to make sense of a series of bizarre hallucinations, this long-rumoured film manages, despite a low-budget, to mainline the brain-twisting nature of Dick’s writing better than any other adaptation

Range 15 (2016)

Range 15 (2016) poster
Rating:
Zombie Comedy

This is a crowdourced film made by military veterans who set out with the idea of creating better military characterisations in films. Bizarrely enough, they turn to the zombie comedy to do so and the result is the crassest, most willfully offensive zombie film ever made

Rasputin The Mad Monk (1966)

Rasputin the Mad Monk (1966) poster
Rating: ★★★★
Hammer Historical Horror Film

Hammer Films turn the historical story of Rasputin and his influence over the Russian throne into a horror film. Although they treat history liberally, this is a vivid film with an intense performance from Christopher Lee

The Raven (1915)

The Raven (1915) poster
Rating: ★★
Edgar Allan Poe Biopic

Silent movie based on the life of Edgar Allan Poe. Today we’d call it a biopic, although it readily departs into fantasy with Poe having drunken visions of the raven, ghosts and the afterlife

The Raven (2012)

The Raven (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Edgar Allan Poe vs a Serial Killer

This has the great idea of pitting Edgar Allan Poe against a serial killer imitating his stories but instead produces a desultory murder mystery that has done only the most cursory reading about Poe and is ill-informed about the historical period

Red Riding (2009)

Red Riding (2009) poster
Rating: ★★½
Hunt for a Serial Killer

Depending on how you saw this, this is either a UK tv mini-series or three separately released films. Taking place over a decade, the three stories have a common locale and overlapping characters in the story of the hunt for a serial killer and the battle against a corrupt police department in Yorkshire

The Reluctant Dragon (1941)

The Reluctant Dragon (1941) poster
Rating: ★★★
Live-Action/Part Animated Tour of Disney Studios

One of the more obscure films in the Disney catalogue. A part live-action, part animated dramatised tour of Disney Studios, showing how the studio runs and screening several animated short pieces

Riverworld (2003)

Riverworld (2003) poster
Rating:
All of Humanity Resurrected on an Alien Planet

The first adaptation of Philip Jose Farmer’s series of novels where every person who ever lived is resurrected on an alien planet is given an abysmal treatment as a tv movie that ditches and rewrites major aspects of the books

Riverworld (2010)

Riverworld (2010) poster
Rating:
All of Humanity Resurrected on an Alien Planet

The second tv mini-series of Philip Jose Farmer’s classic SF novels trashes the books just as badly as the first attempt. The premise and characters are indifferently rewritten, while the show is churned out by a director with a tatty indifference to what he is making