Berkshire County (2014)

Berkshire County (2014) poster
Rating: ★★
Home Invasion Thriller/Babysitter Stalked

Canadian film about a babysitter being stalked by masked home invaders on Halloween night. Capably put together and generates an okay tension but this still seems to be recycling over-familiar genre tropes

Big and Hairy (1998)

Big and Hairy (1998) poster
Rating: ★★
Bigfoot Joins the School Basketball Team

Kid’s film that comes with a rather slight gimmick in which a Bigfoot is befriended and persuaded to join the high school basketball team

Black Mountain Side (2014)

Black Mountain Side (2014) poster
Rating: ★★
Deadly Infection Unearthed at an Archaeological Dig

Another copy of The Thing where a team of archaeologists in the frozen north unearth an object being 20,000 years old from a barrow that proceed to affect the team and cause mass insanity

Bleed With Me (2020)

Bleed With Me (2020) poster
Rating: ★★
Sinister Happenings at a Cabin in the Woods

A film where a girl goes to stay with her girl friend at a cabin in the woods but thinks her friend might be drugging her and taking her blood

Bloodrayne: Deliverance (2007)

Bloodrayne: Deliverance (2007) poster
Rating: ★★
Videogame Adaptation/Vampire Western

The second in Uwe Boll’s trilogy adapted from the videogame, this plays out as a mix of Western and vampire hunter film and is marginally better than Boll’s usual standards

Hamlet (2011)

Hamlet (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Modernised Shakespeare Adaptation

After some 150 other films, you have to wonder what another version of Hamlet has to offer. This Canadian adaptation does little other than updating the setting to the 1940s

Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom (2016)

Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom (2016) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Young H.P. Lovecraft's Adventures

H.P. Lovecraft is a cult horror writer whose work brims over with a sense of cosmic dread. One of the most bizarre Lovecraft film adaptations is this work of children’s animation featuring a young Lovecraft

Girlhouse (2014)

Girlhouse (2014) poster
Rating: ★★
Slasher Film in a College Dorm Porn House

Slasher film that comes with the interestingly original setting of a college dorm webcam porn site. Unfortunately, the film takes an awfully safe and tasteful route in delivering it

Grave Encounters (2011)

Grave Encounters (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Found Footage/Haunted Asylum

Another Found Footage horror film with a reality tv ghostbusting team investigating a haunted asylum. The Found Footage genre quickly became exhausted and this only treads where others have gone before

H & G (2013)

Rating: ★★
Modernised Hansel and Gretel

This Canadian film is a modernised telling of Hansel and Gretel where the witch becomes a man with possibly paedophile intent. A film seems to want to go into dark places but gives them an utterly tepid treatment

Harrison Bergeron (1995)

Harrison Bergeron (1995) poster
Rating: ★★
Future Where Everybody Must Be Average/Kurt Vonnegut Adaptation

Adaptation of a Kurt Vonnegut story about a future where everyone must be average wherein Vonnegut’s farcical satire is completely misjudged and played straight

Heavy Metal 2000 (2000)

Heavy Metal 2000 (2000) poster
Rating: ★★
Adult Animation/Space Opera

Sequel to the animated Heavy Metal that failed to attract the same cult audience that its predecessor did. Telling only one story instead of several, it only offers a routine space opera adventure

Hellions (2015)

Hellions (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Masked Children Pursue a Girl on Halloween Night

The return of director of Pontypool should be anticipated. But this kills a near-foolproof premise – masked children come after a heroine on Halloween night wanting her unborn baby – with a pink lighting scheme

The Truth is in the Stars (2017)

Rating: ★★
Documentary About the Possible Path to Space

The William Shatner documentary is a fascinatingly bizarre beast. This involves Shatner talking to a bunch of scientists and celebrities, before meeting with Stephen Hawking but peculiarly enough seems to have no central thesis or idea about what it is setting out to prove

Howard Lovecraft and the Undersea Kingdom (2017)

Howard Lovecraft and the Undersea Kingdom (2017) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Young H.P. Lovecraft’s Adventures

The second in a series of animated children’s films about the young H.P. Lovecraft and his encounters with the various denizens of the Cthulhu mythos

Funeral Home (1980)

Funeral Home (1980) poster
Rating: ★★
Psycho-Thriller

Forgotten Canadian film about a series of murders around a former funeral home that has been converted into a guest house. Released at the height of the slasher cycle but this comes more in the vein of Psycho

Howard Lovecraft and the Kingdom of Madness (2018)

Howard Lovecraft and the Kingdom of Madness (2018) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Young H.P. Lovecraft's Adventures

The third of the trilogy of animated films from Arcana Studios based around the adventures of a young H.P. Lovecraft

Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (2023)

Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (2024) poster
Rating: ★★
Vampire Comedy

I was sold on this from the title. A droll Canadian (Quebec-made) vampire comedy about a vampire girl who cannot bring herself to kill and a suicidal teenager who becomes her willing victim

Humongous (1982)

Humongous (1982) poster
Rating: ★★
Slasher Film/Mad Deformity

Canadian-made slasher film from the director of the original Prom Night. This mixes slasher standard with a variant on the Mad/Deformed Relative in the Attic plot but mostly seems terminally dull

388 Arletta Avenue (2011)

388 Arletta Avenue (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Found Footage Stalker Film

Found Footage film about a stalker secretly filming a couple and abducting the wife, this tepidly circles around thriller cliches where other Found Footage films have delved into the psycho genre with more disturbing effect

The Interior (2015)

The Interior (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Mysterious Happenings in the Woods

An enigmatic and baffling Canadian-made film about a man who goes to life in the woods where something (possibly imaginary) seems to be taunting him. This eventually leaves audiences confused what is happening

This Was America (2020)

This Was America (2020) poster
Rating: ★★
Near-Future Totalitarian USA

A film that offers the depiction of a totalitarian future USA where Donald Trump has refused to leave office. This was made at the end of Trump’s first term and before his second term return to power.

Keyhole (2011)

Keyhole (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Surrealist Haunted House Film

A disappointment from Guy Maddin where he abandons his trademark surrealism and makes what feels like cross between a haunted house film and a 1940s crime drama by way of the French New Wave

Turbo Kid (2015)

Turbo Kid (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Retro 80s Parody of Post-Holocaust Films

There is a fantastically witty idea here – a low-tech parody of the 1980s post-holocaust film – but one that seems in search of an accompanying film. The film overspills with retro ephemera and stylistic jokes but I wish there had been more to it beyond the hook of the initial joke

Frozen With Fear (2001)

Frozen with Fear (2001) poster
Rating: ★★
Psycho-Thriller

A psycho-thriller featuring Bo Derek as an agoraphobic wife dealing with the shock of seeing her husband murdered only to then find that his body has disappeared

Father’s Day (2011)

Father's Day (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Troma Film/Possessed Killer/Bad Taste Splatter

Troma film that ventures back into their regular bad taste territory. This often feels like a film that never coheses into a particularly clear idea of what it is trying to do, possibly the result of six different directors

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde (2008)

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde (2008) poster
Rating: ★★
Evil Personality Within Unleashed

Modernised version of the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde story starring Dougary Scott. The principal novelty here is that the bulk of the story takes place in a courtroom as Hyde is placed on trial for murder

Dreamland (2019)

Dreamland (2019) poster
Rating: ★★
Crime Thriller with a Vampire

Bruce McDonald, who directed the standout Pontypool, makes a crime film where Stephen McHattie plays both a hitman and a heroin-addicted trumpet player. For head-scratching reasons, the film also includes a vampire

The Valley of the Rats (2016)

Rating: ★★
Giallo Homage in a Limousine

There is considerable conceptual ambition to this – a giallo homage, most of which takes place inside a limo. Charitably, you call it is a micro-budgeted collision between Cosmopolis and The Strange Colour of Your Body’s Tears, alas the film lets narrative fragment into incoherence in the latter half

Earth’s Final Hours (2011)

Earth's Final Hours (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
End of the World/Disaster Movie

Another Syfy Channel low-budget disaster film. This creates a fascinating if scientifically dubious end of the world premise about a white hole but spends the show on the routine stuff of car chases and gunfights

Eternal (2004)

Eternal (2004) poster
Rating: ★★
Elizabeth Bathory in the Present-Day/Erotic Horror

A film about Elizabeth Bathory living in the present day, this comes with the suggestion of erotic allure but disappointingly proves to be a pose without much substance

The Final Storm (2010)

The Final Storm (2010) poster
Rating: ★★
Mysterious Stranger/Possible Biblical End of the World

Uwe Boll seems to be improving. Here he has abandoned action for a character-driven drama about the appearance of an ambiguous stranger heralding the Biblical end of the world

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Alone in the Dark (2005) poster
Rating: ★½
Videogame Adaptation/Monsters

Uwe Boll gained a reputation as the world’s worst director on the basis of his videogame adaptations. Prize exhibit was Alone in the Dark, which abandons the game and is a series of action scenes without explanatory rationale

Demonic (2021)

Demonic (2021) poster
Rating: ★½
Demonic Possession in Virtual Reality

Neill Blomkamp, the director of District 9, returns with a possession film that uniquely takes places in Virtual Reality as Carly Pope must use a device that enters her comatose mother’s dreamspace

Pegasus vs. Chimera (2012)

Pegasus vs. Chimera (2012) poster
Rating: ★½
Fantasy Adventure

One of the numerous ‘vs’ films that came out after Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, this is actually a B-budget fantasy adventure made for cable. This is not particularly bad, just routine and uninspired on all counts where the budget cramps any of its imaginative horizons

Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998)

Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998) poster
Rating: ★½
Undead Super-Soldiers/Action

he second of two cheap video-released sequels to the Jean-Claude Van Damme film. This has the novelty of featuring Burt Reynolds as the bad guy

Evangeline (2013)

Evangeline (2013) poster
Rating: ★½
Rape Victim's Resurrected Vengeance

This rehashes I Spit on Your Grave by way of The Crow with a heroine who is raped and killed and then becomes resurrected as a supernatural avenger

House of the Dead (2003)

House of the Dead (2003) poster
Rating: ★½
Zombies/Videogame Adaptation

The first of Uwe Boll’s videogame adaptations and the beginning of his bad director reputation. This is a zombie film by the numbers but it was at the forefront of zombie film revival of the 2000s

Wrecker (2015)

Wrecker (2015) poster
Rating:
Road Games with a Killer Truck

I have to search my memory to think of another film that is so openly plagiaristic – this is almost a scene-for-scene remake of Steven Spielberg’s Duel about a man facing a killer truck on a highway. This misses the subtlety of the original so widely you could run a highway through it

Spasms (1983)

Spasms (1983) poster
Rating:
Psychic Link with a Giant Snake

A 1980s film that was sold around a single air bladder makeup effects scene where a man swells up and explodes from a snakebite. That and the entirely risible premise of Oliver Reed as a billionaire who has a psychic link with a giant snake

Tribulation (2000)

Tribulation (2000) poster
Rating:
Christian End Times/Anti-Christ Dystopia

The third in a series of Biblical End Times films withGary Busey as a decent cop who wakes up in a future ruled by the Anti-Christ. The heavy-handed slinging of Bible verses makes this hard-going for anyone who is not a believer, while the conspiratorial tone frequently verges on nuttiness

Troubled Waters (2006)

Troubled Waters (2006) poster
Rating:
Abduction Thriller/Psychic Detective

Thriller starring Jennifer Beals as an FBI agent who receives clairvoyant visions during the hunt for an abducted girl

Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

Silent Hill: Revelation (2012) poster
Rating:
Videogame Adaptation/Sinister Otherworldly Town

Dull and unimaginative Silent Hill sequel that only revisits what went before. The first film had an uncanny otherworldly atmosphere but the sequel reduces everything to no more than pop-up Clive Barker

How William Shatner Changed the World (2005)

How William Shatner Changed the World (2005) poster
Rating:
Documentary About the Influence of Star Trek in the Real World

Beyond the attention-grabbing title, this is a documentary about the influence that Star Trek has had in the real world. A not uninteresting concept wrecked by Shatner’s condescending attitude to interview subjects

The Hound of the Baskervilles (2000)

The Hound of the Baskervilles (2000) poster
Rating:
Sherlock Holmes Film/Ghostly Dog Mystery

Another adaptation of the Sherlock Holmes quasi-supernatural mystery. This is also one of the worst ever thanks to the wildly over-acted, scenery chewing performance from Matt Frewer, badly miscast as Holmes

Gutterballs (2008)

Gutterballs (2008) poster
Rating:
Splatter Film/Bowling Alley Killer

Film about a series of gory deaths at a bowling alley, this really pushes an envelope of good taste. This gained attention for makeup effects artist Ryan Nicholson and was the cause of much censorship controversy

Firebird 2015 AD (1980)

Firebird 2015 AD (1980) poster
Rating:
Car Races in a Dystopian Future

Canadian film set in a dystopian future where private use of cars has been banned and Darren McGavin is among the aging car aficionado who race custom cars in defiance of the authorities

Festival of the Living Dead (2024)

Festival of the Living Dead (2024) poster
Rating:
Zombie Film

The Soska Sisters made a splash on the genre scene a few years ago. Here they make a tribute/follow-up to Night of the Living Dead but produce an utterly safe work that is the antithesis of the edginess that gained them a name

Far Cry (2008)

Far Cry (2008) poster
Rating:
Videogame Adaptation/Super-Soldiers Amok

One of the worst of Uwe Boll’s videogame adaptations. This consists of action sequences slung together with random indifference and badly mismatched casting