Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)
Pirate Fantasy Swashbuckler
Third of the Pirates of the Caribbean films and purportedly made without a completed script, this becomes bloated and sprawling
Films of 2007
Species: The Awakening (2007)
Alien Sex Fiend
Fourth entry in the Species series where at least the series seems to have gravitated to the arena of the trashily absurd B movie it belongs
Puffball (2007)
Witchcraft and Pregnancy
Nicolas Roeg returns to screens after a long absence in what would be his last film, a Fay Weldon adaptation about pagan rites, pregnancy and witchcraft that manages to sound far wilder in synopsis than how Roeg directs it all on screen
Stir of Echoes: The Awakening (2007)
Gulf War Vet Receives Visions
Stir of Echoes was a spookily effective film. Alas in this sequel, we go from Kevin Bacon as a medium to Rob Lowe as a haunted Iraq War veteran amid a series of routine pop-up scares
Tyrannosaurus Azteca (2007)
Conquistadors and Dinosaurs
This comes with an intriguingly original concept – that Spanish Conquistador Hernan Cortes during his conquest of Mexico came up against dinosaurs
Timber Falls (2007)
Backwoods Brutality
By the numbers Backwoods Brutality where a woman is imprisoned by crazed backwoods fundamentalists in order to bear them a child
WΔZ (2007)
Serial Killer Thriller
Serial killer thriller that eventually emerges as I Spit on Your Grave reimagined as a police procedural. Much effort is made to portray a grim urban environment but little to engage as a thriller, although Selma Blair owns the show as the avenged woman in the latter third
The 3rd Floor (2007)
Haunted Apartment Building
A low-budget ingenue effort by three friends about a tenant who discovers that the third floor of his apartment building contains the ghosts of dead asylum inmates
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Murderous Barber Musical
Tim Burton takes on the film version of the Stephen Sondhiem musical about a murderous barber, featuring Johnny Depp in the title role. But disappointingly, Burton still makes the same film he always does
Supercroc (2007)
Giant Crocodile
An early mockbuster from The Asylum, a copy of 2007’s crocodile amok films with a giant 100-foot-long crocodile heading towards Los Angeles
Sublime (2007)
Hospital Nightmare and Hallucinations
Horror film in which Tom Cavanagh goes into hospital for a routine procedure only to emerge with his leg amputated amid increasingly more surreal things happening around the hospital
Stuck (2007)
True Crime/Hit and Run Victim Trapped in a Car Windscreen
Stuart Gordon, the cult director of Re-Animator, makes a film based on a bizarre true incident where a woman ran a homeless man down and drove home with him still impacted through the windshield of her car
Storm Warning (2007)
Australian Backwoods Brutality
An Australian-made variant on the Backwoods Brutality cycle where a whitebread couple on a sailing trip are tortured by hicks. Nothing beyond the cliches or remarkable about this.
Slayer (2007)
Modern Vampires
Amateur-made grunge vampire film that has some interesting ambitions but ultimately does not make enough about its story clear
Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
Videogame Adaptation/Post-Holocaust Zombies
Third of the Resident Evil films. This expands the scale of action to show the entire world destroyed by the virus but for all that and a decent budget, director Russell Mulcahy fails to push the elements to a suitable head of steam
Slasher (2007)
German Backwoods Brutality
A German-made copy of the Backwoods Brutality cycle that only rehashes clches and frequently verges on the amateurish in execution
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The Simpsons Film Spinoff
Film spinoff from the long-running animated tv series. The familiar gags are there but show feels awkward extruded out to a full-length plot. You keep feeling the film should have been more than it is.
Shrooms (2007)
Drug Hallucinations/Backwoods Horror
A group of friends travel to Ireland and go on a tour searching for magic mushrooms. In between assorted drug hallucinations, someone or thing begins slaughtering the group
Shrek the Third (2007)
Animation/Fairytale Spoof
The third of the Shrek films settles in with a formulaic blandness where the characters turn up more because everyone expects them to than the film finds much for them to do
Shadow Puppets (2007)
Mysterious Labyrinth/Conceptual Breakthrough
A conceptual puzzle film – people wake up in a facility with no memory of who they are – reminiscent of Cube with the smoke monsters from Lost thrown in. Unfortunately, this is too low-budget to create much mystery and the big reveal is not a terribly interesting one
Seed (2007)
Executed Killer's Revenge
Uwe Boll ventures into Torture Porn territory with this tale of a brutish serial killer who returns from the electric chair on a trail of vengeance against his condemners
The Sandlot: Heading Home (2007)
Baseball Star Returns to His Childhood
The third in a popular series of films about a Little League baseball team, this involves a time travel element
Wasting Away (2007)
Zombie Comedy
Horror comedy told from the perspective of four friends who are unaware they have been transformed into zombies. The contrast of their reactions with everybody else as they flee in terror is mildly amusing for awhile but this is essentially a one-gag film
Rise (2007)
Vampire Hunter
Overlooked at the time it was released, this is a stylish and quite well made film with Lucy Liu playing a vampire hunter
Outlaw (2007)
Vigilante Film
British vigilante film that strains at issues of social relevance but only ends up parroting Death Wish cliches
Alone (2007)
Thai Ghost Story
Thai ghost story about a woman haunted by the ghost of her dead conjoined twin sister. This produces a mix of jumps that fall between the effective and routine but falls apart in a contrived twist ending
Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
Action Film/Socially Catastrophic Hack Attack
The fourth of the Die Hard films and the only one that enters into genre territory with Bruce Willis now fighting a catastrophic hack attack that disables the entire US
Flood (2007)
London Deluged/Disaster Mini-Series
A British disaster tv mini-series that depicts London being overwhelmed by vast flooding and the struggle by civil authorities to cope
Carved: The Slit Mouthed Woman (2007)
Boogeywoman from Japanese Urban Legend
J-horror film based on the Japanese urban legend of a boogeywoman with a face slit from ear to ear who appears to kill people
Hellboy Animated: Blood and Iron (2007)
Demon Superhero/Animation
The second of two animated Hellboy spinoffs, this renders what might have been impressive superheroics had they been conducted in live-action down at the level of children’s animation
Have Mercy On Us All (2007)
Modern Day Bubonic Plague Killer
French thriller about police investigating a killer who is infecting victims with the bubonic plague and leaving Mediaeval clues, all part of an elaborate revenge scheme
Hansel and Gretel (2007)
South Korean Horror/Sinister House in the Forest
Confusingly, despite the title, this is not an adaptation of the Brothers Grimm fairytale but a cryptic and often baffling South Korean horror film about people trapped by children at a sinister house in the forest
Hannibal Rising (2007)
Hannibal Lecter Origin Story
Building on the successes of the Hannibal Lecter films, this is a prequel that goes back sets out to tell an origin story of how the young teenage Hannibal came to be who he was during World War II
Halloween (2007)
Slasher Film
Another inferior entry in the mid-00s fad remake of 70s/80s horror films. Whereas John Carpenter gave us Michael Myers as evil incarnate, Rob Zombie gives us Michael Myers as a misunderstood and unloved kid
The Golden Compass (2007)
Epic Fantasy Adventure
The attempt to create another Lord of the Rings went astray with this adaptation of Philip Pulllman’s fantasy series, which cut many of the core elements of the books so as not to offend religious conservatives
Garfield Gets Real (2007)
Lazy Talking Cat/Animation
Animated film spun off from the Garfield comic-strips in which Garfield emerges out into the real world. A cute premise that the film fails to develop
Frontier(s) (2007)
Backwoods Brutality
Xavier Gens delivers a French copy of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. This is largely by the numbers excepting for a gore level raised to what must be a maximum for the genre
Fred Claus (2007)
Santa's Brother
A Christmas film with Vince Vaughn as Santa’s younger brother, a petty street hustler. A promising sarcastic tone falls into easy predictable routines and characters arcs
Bloodrayne: Deliverance (2007)
Videogame Adaptation/Vampire Western
The second in Uwe Boll’s trilogy adapted from the videogame, this plays out as a mix of Western and vampire hunter film and is marginally better than Boll’s usual standards
Hitman (2007)
Videogame Adaptation/Action
Disappointing film adaptation of the videogame from Xavier Gens that comes with unremarkable action scenes, a script filled with holes and Timothy Olyphant miscast as Agent 47
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
Comic-Book Superheroes
The 2005 Fantastic Four was an amiable entry among the Marvel Comics adaptations of the 2000s. This sequel substitutes lowbrow comedy and renders the great character of the Silver Surfer as a CGI cartoon
Evangelion 1.0: You Are (Not) Alone (2007)
Anime/Invasion by Vast Alien Machines
The first in a series of film reboots of the Neon Genesis Evangelion anime tv series. Epic animation but you need to the part of the fanbase of the original to understand what is going on
End of the Line (2007)
Murderous Doomsday Cult
Could it be too hard to go wrong in making a film about a doomsday cult hunting people through a subway tunnel? Apparently it is and after a promising beginning, the film churns the cliches with little tension
Eden Log (2007)
Mysterious Lab Complex/Cryptic Happenings
Cryptic and baffling French art science-fiction film involving strange happenings at a laboratory where we never get any explanations about what is going on
Brotherhood of Blood (2007)
Vampire Hunters
Vampire hunter film made by two Uwe Boll associates that plays out like a low-budget version of Blade II – it is passably well put together but the scope of action appears constricted to a single warehouse
Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield (2007)
True Life Killer/Necrophile
Film based on the exploits of necrophile killer Ed Gein that throws the facts up in the air and essentially makes up its own story, while the role is miscast with a hulking Kane Hodder
Doctor Strange (2007)
Marvel Comics Magician Superhero/Animation
One among a handful of animated films based on Marvel Comics properties, this conducts a passable telling of the origin story of the Sorcerer Supreme
The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)
Reality Bender
Extremely confusing film in which Mike Vogel keeps waking up in different lives where he is pursued by creatures. Sort of like Dark City reconceived as a horror film.
Cyborg She (2007)
Romance With a Time-Travelling Cyborg
A Japanese romantic comedy about a lonely nerd who falls in love with a cyborg girl that has time travelled back from the future
The Condemned (2007)
Barehands Survivalism/Deadly Reality TV Show
An action movie where the toughest criminals are forced into a barehanded survivalism competition against one another while this is livestreamed. As the hero, wrestler Steve Austin has zero charisma
Clay (2007)
Psycho Film
Ron Bonk is a director out there making modern exploitation films that often push some fairly outrageous edges. This psycho effort was one of his earlier films
Believers (2007)
UFO Cult
From The Blair Witch Project co-director Daniel Myrick, a film about two paramedics abducted into a crazed UFO cult who believe their delivery is coming
Hellphone (2007)
Demonic Cellphone
A French film about a teenager who buys a demonic cellphone and is able to use it to enact comeuppances against the people in his life. A 976-Evil for the cellular era
Battle for Terra (2007)
Animation/War Between Human Colonists and Aliens
Animated film that has a remarkable number of similarities to Avatar – even though it was released before. A simplistic variant of the same human colonists vs alien natives plot conducted with corner-cut CGI animation
The Invisible (2007)
Disembodied Teenager
David S. Goyer directed remake of a Swedish film about a teenager stuck in a disembodied state between life and death. Despite Goyer’s sterling resume as a screenwriter, this fails to work
Apartment 1303 (2007)
Japanese Ghost Story
Another J-horror on the bandwagon created by the Ring and Ju-on/The Grudge films. Some promisingly initial scares traipse off into a dull mystery about investigating the past
Muoi (2007)
Korean Ghost Story/Haunted Portrait
After the successes of Japanese ghost stories like Ringu and Ju-on: The Grudge, the phenomenon was copied right around the Asian region. This is a South Korean ghost story set in Vietnam concerning a haunted painting.
Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (2007)
Magical Toyshop
Family film with Dustin Hoffman as the eccentric owner of a magical toyshop
Mother of Tears: The Third Mother (2007)
Italian Occult Horror
After 27 years, Dario Argento finally rounds out his Three Mothers trilogy begun way back with Suspiria but the underwhelming results give all evidence of his having lost his mojo
The Apocalypse (2007)
Oncoming Asteroid/Biblical Disaster Movie
One of the bizarre early oddities from The Asylum, a disaster movie about an oncoming asteroid. This also try to jump aboard the mid-2000s fad for Biblical movies where faith elements are combined with the scenario in ways that are bizarre
Attack Girls’ Swim Team vs. the Undead (2007)
Lesbian Japanese Schoolgirls vs Zombies
You feel that a film about lesbian Japanese schoolgirls vs zombies should have been more interesting. The zombies barely mount to a dozen and the director seems more preoccupied by his softcore predilections
The Messengers (2007)
Haunting
The Pang Brothers, two of the most exciting genre directors in the world, have their distinctive style swallowed up in their bland US mainstream debut produced by Sam Raimi
The Last Mimzy (2007)
Toys from the Future
Adaptation of a classic SF short story about children’s toys from the future that give them expanded mental powers. Much of the story has been dropped in favour of banal New Age thinking
Joshua (2007)
Psycho Child
Another variant on the evil child theme, this suffers from far too mannered an approach where you keep waiting for it to pull back and sink its teeth into something shocking
Jack Brooks, Monster Slayer (2007)
Horror Comedy
This leads to you expect a horror comedy but spends half its running time in build-up with no comedy or monster slaying, although does deliver on this with an entertaining effects-heavy climax
The Last Sentinel (2007)
Programmed Soldier
Action film with Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson as a cyborg soldier fighting a one-man war against rogue police drones of the future. A fairly generic assemblage of cliches
Chrysalis (2007)
Cyberpunk Film
French Cyberpunk film with a detective investigating the murder of an illegal immigrant girl and finding a blackmarket in stolen and transplanted memories
The Invincible Iron Man (2007)
Animation/Marvel Comics Superhero
One of the handful of animated Marvel Comics films. This confusingly presents a different origin story to the live-action Iorn Man film, while the major villain of The Mandarin is completely mishandled
Hostel Part II (2007)
Sadism and Torture
Eli Roth’s sequel to his earlier hit, this emerges as a pallid copy of its predecessor, having merely changed the sexes of the protagonists and lacking the original’s gut-churning impact
Barbie Fairytopia: Magic of the Rainbow (2007)
Animation/Land of Fairies
Sequel to the earlier Barbie animated film Barbie Fairytopia. Extremely colourful but essentially a fantasy version of a teenage girl high school drama that quickly slips into pre-packaged formula
I Am Legend (2007)
Last Man on Earth vs Mutants
The third film version of Richard Matheson’s book is only a remake of the previous version The Omega Man. Crucially, this throws out the essence of the book for a far less interesting piece about Will Smith fighting mutants in the ruins
I Am Omega (2007)
Last Man on Earth vs Zombies
A mockbuster from The Asylum that was intended to capitalise on the release of I Am Legend and in fact gets much more of the essence of the original Richard Matheson novel than the official film did
Barbie as The Island Princess (2007)
Animation/Barbie Fairytale
Another of the animated Barbie films, this casts her as a desert island castaway accompanied by a retinue of talking animals. Visually colourful but slight
Brain Dead (2007)
Alien Zombie Splatter
Not to be confused with the Peter Jackson Braindead, although the similarity of titles only emphasizes how weak and unfunny this 1980s splatter homage comedy is in comparison
The Seeker: The Dark is Rising (2007)
Epic Fantasy Adventure
Adaptation of Susan Cooper’s popular fantasy series handled by people who have no interest in the material and badly rewrite/mangle it in order try to turn it into a Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings knockoff
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time (2007)
Disney Animation Sequel
Another cheap Disney made-for-video-release sequel. This at least offers the novelty of an alternate retelling of Cinderella but everything transpires predictably
The Reaping (2007)
Modern-Day Biblical Plagues
Reasonable budgeted film about a series of Biblical plagues being visited upon a rural Louisiana town. An interesting set up that flounders amid a confused script
Twitches Too (2007)
Twin Sister Witches
Having to sit through the Mowray twins airhead natter again in a sequel to their early Disney Channel film feels the equivalent of nails being scratched on a blackboard
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator Requiem (2007)
Alien/Predator Series' Crossover
Second of the Alien/Predator crossovers and the absolute nadir of either series. Gone is the suspense of either series’ earlier entries and the creatures are now no more than standard monsters in a teen horror film
Bad Girl Island (2007)
Mysterious Femme Fatale
A film that feels like it should be an erotic thriller but isn’t. Antonio Sabato Jr. rescues an amnesiac Annalynne McCord who proceeds to exert a fatal influence
Underdog (2007)
Canine Superhero/Cartoon in Live-Action
Excruciating and unfunny live-action version of the animated tv series about a superpowered dog. Everything is now run over with lame slapstick and smartass one-liners
The Trial of Tony Blair (2007)
Political What If Scenario
Political What if scenario that sees British Prime Minister Tony Blair being publicly shamed and then placed on trail for his part in the 2003 invasion of Iraq. The biting points are undone by the film being directed in a tone of strident farce
Brutal (2007)
Psycho Film
Tedious psycho film that only seems slung together to feature a series of nasty dispatches. Features some incredibly bad writing and maybe one of the most ridiculous pieces of serial killer motivation ever devised
White Noise: The Light (2007)
Premonitions of Death
A sSequel in name only to White Noise, this is a very silly film with Nathan Fillion returning from a near-death experience able to see the auras of those about to die
Beneath (2007)
Smalltown Secrets
Girl returns to her hometown after many years, encounters family secrets, ghostly figures, clairvoyant visions. The film holds interest for a time as you try to figure out what is going on but eventually proves a letdown
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Backwoods Brutality
A sequel that has been arranged for the sole purpose of serving up a series of gory dispatch set-pieces every few minutes
A Valentine Carol (2007)
Romantic Redemption Fantasy
Lifetime Channel Valentine’s Day movie that rewrites A Christmas Carol to have Emma Caulfield visited by the ghosts of relationships past, present and future
1, 2, 3, Whiteout: The End of the Light Age (2007)
Experimental Film/Future Thought Experiments
Baffling SF film that lacks anything resembling a plot and seems mostly an experimental film about showing pretty light patterns
Captivity (2007)
Imprisonment Thriller
Blatant Saw copy from Roland Joffe, a director better known for his arthouse works, from a script by cult director Larry Cohen. This starts stylishly before collapsing in a series of ridiculous twists
The Hitcher (2007)
Psycho Hitchhiker
Another disappointing remake of an 80s horror film, this misses the gripping suspense and everything that worked about the 1986 original and turns it into just another teen horror film
Next (2007)
Precognition/Action Film
This adapts a Philip K. Dick story and then throws it out to make a generic action film with Nicolas Cage as a psychic. All the potential of its idea is lost amid a series of ridiculous plot twists
The Invasion (2007)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers Remake
The fourth film version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers starring Nicole Kidman, this badly miscues many key scenes and is missing all the paranoid mood of the original film
Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)
Haunted House
Cheaply made sequel to the remake of House on Haunted Hill that turns it into a teen film dominated by gore set-pieces
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
Twin Psycho-Thriller
Widely ridiculed psycho-thriller starring Lindsay Lohan at the height of her tabloid headline phase and giving a zero effort performance as twins. Quite what is going on in the confused screenplay is anybody’s guess
Saw IV (2007)
Killer's Sadistic Games
Fourth of the Saw films, the third under Darren Lynn Bousman who has placed an increasing emphasis on torturous extremes at the expense of credible plotting
Disturbia (2007)
Suburban Voyeurism Psycho-Thriller
A hackneyed rehash of Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window where Shia LaBeouf is a teenager on home detention spying with a pair of binoculars who realises that his neighbour might be a serial killer
Home Sick (2007)
Various Killings
The first film from Adam Wingard from which it is hard to guess he would be a major director. This is a very amateurish work, nevertheless comes with an undeniable enthusiasm for the genre
Ghost Month (2007)
Haunting
Low-budgeted independent US film that sets a ghost story around Chinese rituals. You can admire the serious ambition but the film only provides scares that are utterly tame
Evan Almighty (2007)
Modern-Day Noah's Ark Comedy
Sequel to Bruce Almighty in which Steve Carell is transformed into a modern-day Noah. This was pitched to the Christian audiences but feels like a series of lame gags playing on Noah and the Ark devoid of any biblical context
Swarm (2007)
Ants on a Plane
A blatant copy of Snakes on a Plane featuring mutated ants aboard a plane. Without the other film’s tongue-in-cheek approach, this collapses into absurdity