Deadtime Stories (1986)

Deadtime Stories (1986) poster
Rating: ★★
Anthology of Horror Versions of Fairytales

Horror anthology with the novelty where all of the stories are horror versions of fairytales. Particularly amusing is the second episode, a modernised version of Little Red Riding Hood

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant (2009)

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009) poster
Rating: ★★
Young Adult/Vampire Wars/Circus of Freaks

Adaptation of a series of Young Adult books that should have emerged as Harry Potter made with the sensibilities of a Tim Burton. But the result fails to come to life in Paul Weitz’s hands

Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Hard Rock Zombies (1985) poster
Rating: ★★
Resurrected Heavy Metal Band

Deranged entry in the 80s fad for heavy metal horror films where a band are resurrected from the dead to play an all-important concert, while fighting off conservative townspeople and a very much alive Adolf Hitler

The Brothers Grimm (2005)

The Brothers Grimm (2005) poster
Rating: ★★
Fairy-Tale Authors' Adventures

Probably the least satisfying of Terry Gilliam’s films that turns the real-life fairytale authors into scam ghost hunters in an adventure. Purportedly the subject of behind the scenes troubles, the film never quite comes to life on screen

Breaking Dawn Part Two (2012)

Breaking Dawn Part Two (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Twilight Sequel/Vampire Romance

Perhaps the best thing about this is that the Twilight saga is finally ended. This provides a moderately spectacular showdown but also wraps its plotlines up with absurd deus ex machina wimp outs and an infuriating twist ending

The Boy Who Cried Werewolf (2010)

The Boy Who Cried Werewolf (2010) poster
Rating: ★★
Teenage Werewolf/Children's Film

Entirely unrelated to the forgettable 1973 film, this is a children’s film for the Nickelodeon Channel. Merely adequate but no more. Brooke Shields seems to be having the time of her life vamping it up with Bela Lugosi accent

Big Fish (2003)

Big Fish (2003) poster
Rating: ★★
Tall Tales

Tim Burton film where Albert Finney plays a habitual teller of tall tales whose son sets out to find the truth. Burton’s characteristic quirkiness seems buried by such a blandness you suspect he has been replaced by a clone of Ron Howard

Bad Moon (1996)

Bad Moon (1996) poster
Rating: ★★
Werewolf

Eric Red directed film with Michael Paré as a werewolf fighting a territorial dispute with his sister’s dog. Slight effort that suffers from crappy morphing werewolf transformation effects

Among the Shadows (2019)

Among the Shadows (2019) poster
Rating: ★★
Near Future Werewolf Private Eye/Murder Mystery

A film about the internecine in-fighting among werewolf clans and a werewolf P.I. in a near-future European Union. With Lindsay Lohan as the EU President’s wife!

Goosebumps (2015)

Goosebumps (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Horror Writer's Creations Unleashed

A film based on the hugely popular children’s horror series. The film creates a story where the creatures from all the books are unleashed. This is fun to watch, yet what we ultimately have is easy, undemanding horror for family audiences

Fullmetal Alchemist: The Sacred Star of Milos (2011)

Fullmetal Alchemist: The Sacred Star of Milos (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Anime TV Series Spinoff/Magician Heroes

Film spinoff from the popular anime tv series that seems caught between a film and a tv episode. While the film reaches for epic scale, the usual run of power blasts, there is nothing that we haven’t seen before

Hotel Transylvania: Transformania (2022)

Hotel Transylvania: Transformania (2022) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Famous Monsters Comedy

Minus Adam Sandler this time, the Hotel Transylvania series trots out a fourth entry. Here, in some search for novelty on what has gone before, the monsters are turned back into humans

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018)

Hotel Transylvania 3 Summer Vacation (2018) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Famous Monsters Comedy

I’m not a fan of the Hotel Transylvania films and their reduction of the Famous Monsters to slapstick yocks. This is exactly the same as the preceding films, no better, no worse and with only minute plotting difference

Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015)

Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Famous Monsters Comedy

I had little enthusiasm for this, I tend to like my classic monsters serious rather than defanged – these Hotel Transylvania films are so watered down, Dracula doesn’t even get to drink blood

Little Dead Rotting Hood (2016)

Little Dead Rotting Hood (2016) poster
Rating: ★★
Little Red Riding Hood Resurrected as a Werewolf Hunter

This had me watched on the basis of the title alone. An Asylum production, this is less a twisted take on the fairytale than one that turns Little Red Riding Hood into a werewolf hunter

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Hotel Transylvania (2012) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Hotel for Famous Monsters

A variant on the much more charming Mad Monster Party?, an animated film featuring cute cuddly versions of the Famous Monsters (Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, wolfman etc) with Adam Sandler voicing Dracula

Underworld: Awakening (2012)

Underworld: Awakening (2012) poster
Rating: ★½
Vampire-Werewolf War

Yet another entry that nobody asked for in a conceptually threadbare series that nobody seems to like … passably better than the last two sequels due to some ok action moves but still empty-headed in terms of ideas

Monster Brawl (2011)

Monster Brawl (2011) poster
Rating:
Wrestling Match Between Famous Monsters

This has the mildly amusing idea of taking the idea of films like Dracula vs Frankenstein et al one step further and actually pitting various classic monsters against one another in a wrestling match. Beyond its mimicry of televised wrestling though, there is almost nothing else to the film

Red: Werewolf Hunter (2010)

Red Werewolf Hunter (2010) poster
Rating:
Werewolf Film

Syfy Channel film that seems to offer the intriguing premise of a Modernised Little Red Riding Hood but only deals with this in the vaguest ways. Otherwise this is a standard werewolf film and contains maybe the crappiest CGI wolf transformation scenes ever

Werewolves of the Third Reich (2017)

Werewolves of the Third Reich (2017) poster
Rating:
Nazi Werewolf Experiments

I was hooked into watching the film from the sensationalism from the title but this is a disappointment due to the attempts to provide World War II setting and werewolf transformation effects on a low budget

Blood of Dracula’s Castle (1969)

Blood of Dracula's Castle (1969) poster
Rating:
Modern-Day Dracula

One of the films from Z-budget director Al Adamson, who should be a rival for Edward D. Wood Jr in the bad movies stakes. This resurrects Count Dracula in the present-day, living in a castle in the California desert

Another WolfCop (2017)

Another WolfCop (2017) poster
Rating:
Werewolf Cop/Horror Comedy

WolfCop found an appeal with its amusing title premise. Here the principal talents involved have reunited for a sequel, although the feeling is more that they have done so solely because the first film was a success

Hellboy (2019)

Hellboy (2019) poster
Rating:
Demon Superhero/Comic-Book Adaptation

Reboot of the Hellboy series promisingly comes from Neil Marshall but is also made by Millennium Films who have a habit of buying up previously successful properties and churning out cheaper spinoffs

New Moon (2009)

New Moon (2009) poster
Rating:
Twilight Sequel/Vampire Romance

The second of the Twilight films where the moderately grounded original is blown up into the near laughable with the ridiculously over-the-top hyper-sexualised posturing of its male leads

Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)

Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011) poster
Rating:
Twilight Sequel/Vampire Marriage and Pregnancy

The point where the Twilight series collapses under its pretensions and draws every detail of its wedding out for an excruciating hour. A series that has been all about preaching chastity then segues into Right to Life advocacy

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997) poster
Rating:
Interdimensional Combat/Videogame Adaptation

Sequel to the Mortal Kombat film. While the first film was fun, here anything resembling plot has been stripped away to concentrate on fight scenes such that the film blurs into a single shapeless action sequence

Strippers vs. Werewolves (2012)

Strippers vs. Werewolves (2012) poster
Rating:
British Werewolf Comedy

Probably the next logical move after Zombie Strippers! Alas, where we should have had a fast, funny and sarcastic genre entry, the humour in this British entry becomes painfully belaboured in its constant unfunny efforts to get laughs

She Wolf Rising (2016)

She Wolf Rising (2016) poster
Rating:
Werewolf Scream Queen

There is a good idea for a film in here somewhere where a fan joins Scream Queen Tiffany Shepis playing a Scream Queen tracking down the print of her werewolf movie before finding she is a real werewolf. But the presentation is an utterly confused mishmash

The Fury of the Wolfman (1972)

The Fury of the Wolfman (1972) poster
Rating:
Werewolf Film

This was the fourth (or maybe the fifth) of the Spanish films in the popular series about the wolfman Waldemar Daninsky starring Paul Naschy. Also one of the shabbiest of the series.

Underworld: Blood Wars (2016)

Underworld: Blood Wars (2016) poster
Rating:
Vampire-Werewolf War

I am at a loss to understand who the audience for the Underworld films is – they are films devoid of minimal requirements like plotting and seem to only exist as a series of forgettable action sequences and interchangeable Gothic poses by characters in black leather – and yet we keep getting more of them

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2005) poster
Rating:
Vampire-Werewolf War

Third of the Underworld films, a prequel to the previous entries. In truth, it is just the same as the others – lots of kinetic action moves and Gothic poses with little in the way of plot

Underworld: Evolution (2006)

Underworld: Evolution (2006) poster
Rating:
Vampire-Werewolf War

The second of the Underworld films where Len Wiseman gets a bigger budget and amplifies the CGI and action sequences,. On the other hand, the characters and story are so stripped to a minimum you lose track of why things are happening

Dr Terror’s Gallery of Horrors (1967)

Dr Terror's Gallery of Horrors (1967) poster
Rating:
Horror Anthology

UK’s Amicus Films had a reasonable hit with their horror anthology Dr Terror’s House of Horrors. Director/producer David L. Hewitt jumped in with a copy with a soundalike title produced on a poverty row budget

Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1970)

Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1970) poster
Rating: ½
Monster Bash/Alien Invasion

This was one several different films with the same title that came out around the same time. This painful effort comes from Spanish horror star Paul Naschy who plays his signature role of the wolfman Waldemar Daninksy

Sinister Squad (2016)

Sinister Squad (2016) poster
Rating: ½
Team-Up Between Fairytale Villains

The Asylum made Avengers Grimm as a copycat of The Avengers films, featuring a team-up of fairytale heroines, and so for the release of Suicide Squad they made this sequel featuring a team-up of fairytale villains. Both films are utterly incomprehensible and require you to essentially ignore the originals

Orgy of the Dead (1965)

Orgy of the Dead (1965) poster
Rating: ½
Undead Strippers in a Graveyard

Thought to be a long-lost Edward D. Wood, Jr film for many years. Although only written by Wood, this has all the bad acting and hilarious purple prose of a Wood film. The film consists of strippers doing routines in a graveyard

The Boy Who Cried Werewolf (1973)

The Boy Who Cried Werewolf (1973) poster
Rating: ½
Boy's Father Becomes a Werewolf

This comes with a cutely amusing title – about a boy who witnesses his father becoming a werewolf but nobody will believe him – but only emerges as a cheap and shabby B movie

Haunted Honeymoon (1986)

Haunted Honeymoon (1986) poster
Rating:
Old Dark House Comedy

Both directing and starring here, Gene Wilder attempts to revive the Old Dark House comedy. By the 1980s, this was datedly creaky, while Wilder’s comedy mugging histrionics are excruciating to sit through

The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987)

The Marsupials: The Howling III (1987) poster
Rating:
Australian Werewolves

Third of The Howling films where director Philippe Mora travels to Australia to show us marsupial werewolves. A conceptually wild mix that fails abysmally due to cheap effects and Mora not taking things seriously

Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988)

Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988) poster
Rating:
Werewolves

The Howling was a witty and genre savvy werewolf film; this is one of several all-terrible sequels. The plot tiresomely rehashes the first film and the only point of note are the variably effective wolf transformation effects

Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) (1969)

Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) (1969) poster
Rating:
Vampire Nudie

This may possibly be the worst Dracula film ever made. A nudie film that has been dubbed over with excruciatingly unfunny one-liners that makes it sound more like a rifftrack film

She (1983)

She (1983) poster
Rating:
Post-Holocaust Amazonian Warrior

A mind-bogglingly bad film that has absolutely nothing to do with H. Rider Haggard and is a post-holocaust film with Sandahl Bergman as an Amazonian warrior. The film is made with a bizarreness that may cause mental damage

The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! (1972)

The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! (1972) poster
Rating:
Werewolf Family

Maybe one of the great exploitation titles of all time quickly telescopes down to a near-unwatchable film from Andy Milligan. A Victorian-set werewolf film with rats thrown in to capitalise on the success of Willard

Face of the Screaming Werewolf (1964)

Face of the Screaming Werewolf (1964) poster
Rating:
Werewolf/Aztec Mummy

Painfully dull film edited together from two unrelated Mexican films ending an incomprehensible plot featuring a revived Aztec Mummy and another mummy that transforms into a werewolf played by Lon Chaney Jr