Once Upon a Forest (1993)
Appealing animated film with an environmentalist theme where four young orphan animals go on a quest to save their woods
Clash of the Titans (2010)
Heavily disappointing remake of the Ray Harryhausen film where the replacement of Harryhausen’s stop-motion animation with CGI fails to achieve any magic
Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)
Live-action English-language remake of the anime short about a demon-hunting vampire girl. The original is reduced to no more than a series of slick by-the-numbers action poses
The Strange Case of Sherlock Holmes and Arthur Conan Doyle (2005)
BBC production that seems to be a straightforward biopic of Sherlock Holmes creator Arthur Conan Doyle only for it to take a very strange dogleg into meta-fiction
Subliminal Seduction (1996)
Ian Ziering stars in a B-budget ripoff of The Stepford Wives where he discovers that a computer company is encoding brainwashing messages in a videogame
Voodoo (1995)
A low-budget film where Corey Feldman is a university student who signs into an oddball fraternity only to find that it practices voodoo rites and he has signed away his soul
The Emperor’s New Clothes (1987)
One of the shabby fairytales produced by Cannon Films. Here the clear and simple moral sting of the Hans Christian Andersen original disappears under buffoonish comedy
Rumpelstiltskin (1987)
Another of Cannon Films cheaply made fairytales with Amy Irving starring in an adaptation of Rumpelstiltskin
Frozen (2010)
Not to be confused with the Disney animated film, this is a harrowing survival drama from Adam Green about three characters trapped in mid-air on a ski chairlift
Visitor Q (2001)
One of the key films in the cult of Takashi Miike that has been frequently banned for its taboo-defying outrages in which a mysterious visitor causes a family household to descend into perverse extremes
Dream One (1984)
Head-scratchingly odd fantasy film produced by John Boorman and family where a young boy is transported to a world where he mingles with characters from fiction
Repo Men (2010)
SF film set in a future where agents are sent to repossess artificial organs when the owner’s fall behind on payments. Sort of Sicko by way of Logan’s Run but lacking the necessary sense of black humour to work
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
The Punisher (2004) with Thomas Jane was a dud among the 2000s Marvel Comics adaptations. Here the role is recast with Ray Stevenson and director Lexi Alexander gets the dark, violent tone of the comic-book right
The Mangler (1995)
The single worst Stephen King adaptation ever made. Director Tobe Hooper fails to approach the story of a possessed laundry press with the same drollness that King did and inflates it into something ridiculous
Cube Zero (2004)
This was the third of the Cube films but has nothing new to add to the mix except a focus on the technicians monitoring the operation and the addition of gore effects
Children of the Corn (2009)
This remake of the Stephen King short story (this time with a script from King himself) is a much better film than the earlier 1984 version or any of its numerous sequels
The Wyvern Mystery (2000)
BBC tv adaptation of Gothic potboiler by J. Sheridan Le Fanu with newlywed wife Naomi Watts facing an evil squire and mad women in a big gloomy house
Mommy (1995)
Patty McCormack played a psychopathic child in The Bad Seed. This is essentially a sequel where McCormack has grown up and become a mother
Ring of Terror (1962)
Obscure B movie about a med student who has no sense of fear until he must take anatomy class
Sole Survivor (2000)
Dean R. Koontz adapted mini-series about plane crash survivors and psychic powers that comes with a series of wild twists that the script fails to offer adequate explanation for
Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
This is regarded as one of the worst sequels ever made, featuring many of the actors but with John Boorman stepping in as director. It’s an incomprehensible mishmash of ideas but not without some laudable elements
A Double Life (1947)
George Cukor was one of the legendary Hollywood directors. Here he dives into film noir with Ronald Colman as a stage actor who psychopathically over-identifies with Shakespeare’s Othello
The Wings of Honneamise (1987)
Little-seen but beautifully made anime set in an alternate timeline where a young man becomes the volunteer for the first space launch
They (2002)
A routine horror about teens that live in fear of creatures that lurk in the dark. Presented by Wes Craven.
Defendor (2009)
One of several films that came out around the same time, including Super and Kick-Ass, about ordinary people who believe they superheroes. Woody Harrelson gives a winning performance as the comically inept title character
Shutter Island (2010)
Martin Scorsese and an impressive A-list cast make a 1940s-styled psycho-thriller about a sinister asylum that soon starts into a series of major reality bending turns
Frankenpimp (2009)
Possibly THE worst film ever made. Tony Watt throws an mash-up of exploitation elements together in an incomprehensible plot. A film that made me want to hammer a nail through my eyeball rather than keep watching
Ghostriders (1987)
An obscure and drearily made film about avenging ghosts of a gang of western outlaws who are resurrected in the present day
Rocketship X-M (1950)
Low-budget film designed to copy the success of Destination Moon that ended up being the first film of the 1950s Golden Age. A surprisingly modest effort about a rocketship going off course to land on Mars
The Crazies (2010)
George Romero’s underrated classic gets a makeover amid the 00/10s fad for remakes of 70s/80s horror films. Alas, Romero’s modest classic about a madness-inducing biospill has a big-budget thrown to emerge as just another zombie film
The Countess (2009)
Actress Julie Delpy directs/stars in an adaptation of the Countess Bathory story. In trying to pitch itself as a work of historical feminism and having sympathy for Bathory, this downplays the considerable horror element of the story
Cold Souls (2009)
Indie film in which Paul Giamatti goes to a company that specialises in removing the soul only to have his stolen. An SF film that feels like a Woody Allen comedy minus the one-liners
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (2009)
This was the second of the films spun off from the 2000s Battlestar Galactica revival series, and ingeniously retells the events of the series as seen through the eyes of the Cylons
Alice in Wonderland (2010)
Tim Burton takes on Lewis Carroll but Carroll gets lost beneath Burton doing his usual quirky eccentric thing and a plot that seems to want to turn Alice’s adventures into a modern epic fantasy
The Beyond (1981)
One of the key films of cult Italian director Lucio Fulci, a gore-drenched but plotlessly incoherent mishmash about zombies emerging as the gates of Hell are opened
Christina’s House (1999)
Modest film with Allison Lange being stalked by one of the men in her life. A film that vies between false jumps and moments of reasonable atmosphere
Prophecy (1979)
The once celebrated John Frankenheimer flopped with this monster movie about a mutant bear with laughable effects and inflated pretensions to message making
Imagine That (2009)
Eddie Murphy in another of the lame flops that marked his career in the 2000s where he plays a stockbroker who gets stock tips from his daughter’s imaginary companion
Phantom of the Opera (1983)
TV mini-series remake of The Phantom of the Opera starring Jane Seymour that rewrites and rearranges much of the story to negligible effect
Series 7: The Contenders (2001)
Blackly funny film that predates the advent of reality tv about a tv show where people are licensed to hunt each other
Slash (2002)
Unexceptional South African slasher film with members of a band being stalked on a farm by a masked killer in order to provide a harvest of blood
Smurfs and the Magic Flute (1976)
Animated film based on the original Belgian Smurfs comics made prior to the hit of the Hanna-Barbera series.
Shock Treatment (1981)
A not uninteresting sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, this has widely divided reactions among fans
The Story of Mankind (1957)
Laughable Irwin Allen film that conducts a tour of human history via stock footage as Vincent Price’s The Devil holds a heavenly tribunal to judge humanity for inventing the atomic bomb
White of the Eye (1987)
Dazzlingly stylish psycho-thriller from the underrated Donald Cammell with David Keith as a serial killer in a small Arizona town
The Time Travelers (1976)
Unsold tv pilot that was a collaboration between Irwin Allen and Rod Serling where time travelers visit the Great Fire of Chicago
Strangers (1990)
Australian thriller that is a blatant copy of Fatal Attraction
The Wolfman (2010)
The 1941 Lon Chaney Jr The Wolf Man is given the remake treatment in a way that builds out on the creaky original with lavish sets and state of the art transformation effects
Voodoo Woman (1957)
Low-budget AIP monster movie largely premised around rehashing the monster from The She-Creature and a cheap backlot jungle. Marla English plays for all she can and gives the film an undeniable vigour
Seed (2007)
Uwe Boll ventures into Torture Porn territory with this tale of a brutish serial killer who returns from the electric chair on a trail of vengeance against his condemners
Sexual Predator (2001)
An erotic thriller that stars Angie Everhart as a probation officer who is drawn into the web of her client Richard Grieco who may or may not be a serial killer
Green Lantern: First Flight (2009)
The DC Universe Original Animated Movies conduct a solid and worthwhile animated retelling of the Green Lantern origin story, which delves into all the aspects of the mythos
The Fall (2006)
A fable that was a personal project for Tarsem Singh. A film made for the pure beauty of its visuals, Tarsem eschews visual effects and shoots exotic real world locations to create something exquisitely fantastical
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)
Chris Columbus seeks to emulate the success of the Harry Potter films with this adaptation of a Young Adult series about the children of Greek gods. The film falls apart due to Columbus’s typical banal cues and effects overkill
Komodo (1999)
A CGI monster movie directed by a former Industrial Light and Magic visual effects supervisor that features a family under attacks by over-sized komodo lizards
Book of Days (2003)
Christian film in which insurance agent Wil Wheaton receives the title book containing the dates on which people are going to die and uses it to make his quotas
Giallo (2009)
Dario Argento makes a disappointing return to the giallo thriller where he made his name. With Argento’s characteristic murder set-pieces having been toned down, the results are nothing special
War of the Colossal Beast (1958)
Bert I. Gordon makes a sequel to The Amazing Colossal Man. The film cheats where a good chunk of running time is padded with footage from the original
Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms (2006)
The first of two animated Hellboy spinoffs with the live-action actors returning to voice their parts. This is the better of the two animated films, developing a weirdness as it takes Hellboy inside a Japanese spirit realm
B.T.K. (2008)
A film supposedly based on true-life serial killer Dennis Rader that completely fictionalises much of his story, while Rader is badly miscast with big, bulky Kane Hodder
The Final Destination (2009)
The fourth in the series of films about a series of deaths for survivors after premonition of disaster at a speedway. This is shot in 3D but the novelty death set-pieces have become preposterous
Punishment Park (1971)
From Peter Watkins, a remarkably stark and brutal film set in a near-future USA where political prisoners are allowed to run for freedom through the desert while hunted by law enforcement officials
Flash Gordon (1936)
The original and greatest of all SF serial adventures and a huge influence on George Lucas. Despite the primitive effects, this still has a marvellously rousing imagination that stands up today. Two serial sequels followed
Hellgate (1989)
Frequently ridiculous low-budget horror film set in a Western recreation town where the owner has resurrected his daughter from the dead
Vacancy 2: The First Cut (2009)
Passable sequel (or rather prequel) to the remote motel snuff movie thriller Vacancy. Even though a throwaway effort, it manages to build an okay head of steam
Shocker (1989)
Wes Craven’s attempt to top his A Nightmare on Elm Street and the phenomenon that Freddy Krueger subsequently became was this remarkably silly film with Mitch Pileggi as a serial killer returned from the electric chair
Edge of Darkness (2010)
A film remake of one of the great tv series of the 1980s. A complete betrayal by the original’s director Martin Campbell that strips all the politics and simply makes it into a Mel Gibson revenge film
The Spy Next Door (2010)
The further slide downwards of Jackie Chan’s career after being discovered by Hollywood. Here he is a spy left to look after a group of kids with excruciatingly unfunny results
Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)
Third of the films in the Tremors series, which have held up surprisingly well in their balance of creature effects and a considerable sense of humour. This adds a series of twists to the premise that are positively hilarious
Münchausen (1943)
Fascinating, epically sized versions of the adventures of Baron Münchausen produced by the Nazis
Gamer (2009)
Film somewhere between Counterstrike and The Running Man where convicts are controlled as avatars inside a live-action videogame. A difficult to believe premise that is pumped up with hyper-adrenalised action visuals
Year One (2009)
Not very funny comedy from Harold Ramis and Judd Apatow where Jack Black and Michael Cera are cavemen who stumble through many incidents from the Old Testament
Tooth Fairy (2010)
From the top wrestling superstar in the world in the early 00s to movie action hero to being dressed in a pink tutu with fairy wings, it is hard to believe that Dwayne Johnson’s box-office star would have ever recovered from this family film embarrassment that sees him cast as a fairy
The Bat (1959)
The second remake of the still superior silent Old Dark House classic. The original had incredibly vivid visuals but despite the addition of sound and Vincent Price, this version feels creaky and dated
Gabriel Over the White House (1933)
Truly amazing William Randolph Hearst financed film about a weak US President who is influenced by angels and ruthlessly cracks down on law and order
House of Wax (1953)
The film that launched Vincent Price as a horror icon where he plays a mad waxworks curator who covers murdered bodies in wax. A remake of Mystery of the Wax Museum shot in the original 1950s 3D fad.
The Book of Eli (2010)
Denzel Washington as an enigmatic Man With No Name wandering the post-holocaust apocalyptic landscape. This follows the cliches of the genre before it bizarrely morphs into a Biblical allegory partway through
Shock (1946)
Early Vincent Price film with he as a sinister psychiatrist terrorising a woman who witnessed him murdering his wife
The House of the Devil (2009)
The film that started to get attention for Ti West as a director, a slow burn work where Jocelin Donahue is hired for a babysitting job only to find sinister things going on when she arrives at the house
The Mark of Cain (1985)
An obscure Canadian-made thriller about an evil twin
Princess of Mars (2009)
The Asylum conduct their own version of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ John Carter of Mars adventures three years before the Disney film and, despite one of their impoverished budgets, do an almost halfway reasonable version
The Lovely Bones (2009)
A film about a dead girl trying to stop her paedophile murderer from the afterlife. A grim story becomes a visual effects vehicle wrecked by Peter Jackson’s overblown amateur hour symbolism
Daybreakers (2009)
Australia’s The Spierig Brothers create a strong and original scenario for a vampire film set in a future where vampires have killed almost all the humans and the blood supply is now running out.
Balto (1995)
One of the better animated films produced by Amblin, this is based on the true story of a husky rescue in Alaska, albeit turned into a film where the dogs now talk
An American Carol (2008)
A ridiculous American conservative satire that turns Dickens’ A Christmas Carol into a heavy-handed farce where a Michael Moore lookalike is made to see the error of his liberal ways
A Lobster Tale (2006)
Set in a nowhere New England town where fisherman Colm Meaney discovers a moss with miracle-healing properties. Sort of a Magical Realist version of The Shipping News
All That Money Can Buy (1941)
Classic film about a lawyer arguing in court to save a man who has sold his soul to The Devil. On screen, this is turned into a highly entertaining sentimentalised Frank Capra-type film about American greatness
Land of the Minotaur (1977)
A really shoddily Greek made film that imports Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasence in a story concerning a cult of minotaur worshippers who are snatching tourists in a Greek village
How to Make a Monster (1958)
After his assorted teenage monster films, producer Herman Cohen made this about a resentful studio makeup effects artist who takes revenge by using his makeups to turn teens into mind-controlled monsters
Pandorum (2009)
Rare cinematic treatment of the generation ship story that conducts it with a modest degree of affectiveness. Produced by Paul W.S. Anderson.
Halloween II (2009)
Rob Zombie’s follow-up to his Halloween remake is a better film and closer to what the previous film should have been but his approach is still based on callous brutality than John Carpenter’s eerie suspense
Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977)
Third of the original Herbie the Love Bug films from Disney. This is an amiable effort that takes place at a car race across Europe and sees the return of Dean Jones, plus has Herbie fall in love
Rugrats in Paris: The Movie (2000)
The second entry in the ultra-annoying animated franchise spun off from the animated tv series that only seems to centre around poo and pee jokes, this is marginally more enjoyable than the first film
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Guy Ritchie’s reinvention of Sherlock Holmes seemed a miscalculated disaster in the offing. It doesn’t radically reinvent the basics but emerges passably well
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1939)
The finest screen adaptation of Victor Hugo’s oft-filmed historical novel. This is visually stunning and featuring an awards-worthy performance from Charles Laughton as the malformed Quasimodo
Sex and Death 101 (2007)
What starts out seeming like a frat boy comedy about a guy receiving a list of all the women he will sleep with turns into an intriguingly different beast altogether
The Miracle of the Bells (1948)
A ghastly sanctimonious Catholic miracle film from the 1940s about the elevation of a Hollywood starlet to sainthood simply because she was glamorous
The Other Me (2000)
Disney Channel film about a cloned kid. The result indifferently slung together and the basic premise dealt with in a hardly serious way
Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)
Amiably silly children’s vampire film that manages to take a juvenile approach off with tongue planted in cheek
The Love Bug (1997)
TV movie revival of Disney’s Herbie films and one of the better sequels, playing around with the concept and even adding a Herbie origin story